Want

I want to bare my sad old soul to you
I want you to undress the inner workings of my mind
I want you to run you fingers through my dreams
And kiss the fears that secretly I hide

I want you to tightly hold my hopes
Caresse the twisted lies inside of me
To breathe new life into my woes
To grasp and spread apart all parts of my insecurities

Reviews

[cloud]

This is a good poem. I like the fact that you share your inner desires with abandon. I would only suggest cutting out all the unnecessary words that slow the poem down to a crawl in order to make it tighter and stronger.

I want to bare my soul to you.
Undress the inner workings of my mind.
Run you fingers through my dreams
And kiss fears I secretly hide.

Tightly hold my hopes.
Caresse twisted lies inside me.
Breathe new life into my woes
Then spread apart my insecurities.

[Hviske]

Thank you so much.