Doubting Destiny

A Poem by Michelle Gent

Ah ha moments and intuition, spirit's guiding us.

Doubting Destiny-

I couldn't have been any older than thirteen or fourteen at the time
when I walked across your backyard and opened the gate
Closing it behind me, walking onto the dock watching cousin Doug
As he scrubbed Uncle Charlies boat
The radio was playing and the song Dream Weaver came on the radio
I remember commenting how I loved the song

I stopped momentarily to look at the letter's spelled out on the back of the boat
The Lovely M. named after you Aunt Marie, It was at that instant I had a feeling
A feeling that stopped me in my tracks and as clear as day I could see two names
Conjoined in my head and they meant something, but what? It really troubled me
What and why and whom was trying to tell me something?

It was such a strong feeling and so unnerving, but what did it mean?
This ah ha moment this epiphany that was strong enough to stop me in my tracks
With the conjoined names CharlieMarie. I kept repeating it to myself trying to decode the mystery
I heard both names my whole life, separately but not conjoined. Why now did it hold significance?
I ran to you Aunt Marie hoping you could uncover the mystery and help me figure it out.
Staring you in the eye's repeatedly asking you the same question. One to which you had no answer
Irritated, freaked out and confused herself she said, "Oh don't bother me with this nonsense!"

It wasn't until now 24 years later that the mystery revealed itself to me in the form of a pregnancy
Nine months in fact with a two page list, trying to put 2 names that sounded good together
And when I finally did and realized the significance my hair stood on end and chills ran up and down my spine
Charlotte Marie, nickname Charlee. hense: CharlieMarie ring a bell?

Throughout my pregnancy there seemed to be a bread crumb trail left for me to follow
Again a mystery I knew who, but I didn't know why and frankly I was too scared to think about at the time

- The doctor telling me if you believe in the old wives tale adage *150 bpm falls under the range of girl
I wasn't convinced, I was having a boy who looked like my husband I had a dream to that effect

- I got in my car right after this doctor's revelation and turned on the radio
The song that came on the radio was "My Girl"

- Months later I was window shopping to kill some time before going to work
Looking through a bric-a-brac store when out of the corner of my eye I spotted christening gowns
I had no idea why they were being sold in this type of store and really wasn't in the market for one right now
But they were so charming and lovely I just had to thumb through

- Then one in particular caught my eye so I looked inside curious to see how much it was
Upon reading the tag inside the name of the gown was: Charlotte

- About a month after that incident my husband and myself were invited to a Chinese auction charity event
For my nieces school and though I had put many tickets in various envelopes. For numerous prizes
The prize that I had won was for a little girls baby basket

In retrospect after my daughter was born the signs were all to clear
Though at the time it was to frightening to admit
It was you Aunt Marie and Uncle Charlie guiding me every step of the way
Letting me know yeah, everything's going to be O.K.