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There’s a heaviness inside my chest that I can feel with each breath, it’s as much apart of me as the blood in my veins or the air in my lungs.  I’ll be doing nothing at all, my mind will start to wander and the weight of it pulls me down into the darkest parts of myself where I’m left alone to wander and sort through my messes and failures.  In the dark, we’re all trying to find our way back.  Sometimes I visit this place on purpose with the intent to self-destruct, to trade my security for the pain that reminds me that I have reasons to feel, to live.  It needs to be enough for now because it’s all I have left to salvage from these ruins.  In, out, in, out, one day it will be safe