The Clover Leaf

                             We eat in a pseudo Hellenic atmosphere

                             Day salted with the bacon baguette

                             Dark streaked a Greek particular blonde

                             'Eh' dark darkens with a glissando

                             Endless talk arranging the disheveled forks

                             English mysterious understood adequacy not ours

                             A black and white trim neat performance

                             Their laughter their business their world

                             Still black eyed he still limps

                             White shirt tapers to troubled hips

                             Collar undone medallion silver weaves glints

                             Against modesty of his chest hair

                             Entrapment stalks through this white premise

                             Walls windows large light  abounds imprisoned

                             Standing a single and single staring

                             Longing at the passing street

                            Actors snugged at the table corner

                            Grey fabric performs curve thigh promise

                            V necked theme mist hair chest

                            Young player confesses to chips ketchup

                            Buttocks .loud with their stated arrogance

                            Shirts ties accepted their formal youth

                            Their table revealed their table introduced

                            Their order their wishes soon satisfied

                            Joining age and youth she sits

                            Ginger hair thinning reclining back relieved

                            A domain stated with blue influence

                            She spoons her latte and instructs

                           So where is Greek air now?

                           Lost service of the seeking exile

                           Grey hair their patriarch their attractive look

                           Their laughter their business their world

                           

                        

 

Reviews

[emmajoy]

There's a difference of tone and feel here, tis less emotional, more the facts and nothing but the facts - although the phrasing still contains fine observation, somehow more formal, distant

This stanza is a story all its of its own, ' Buttocks .loud with their stated arrogance ~ Shirts ties accepted their formal youth ~ Their table revealed their table introduced ~ Their order their wishes soon satisfied '

[Michael Oliver]

Perhaps now you see why I revised it. I wanted to get this feeling of a exile which I think is better portrayed in the Hellenic rewrite

[emmajoy]

Found both wonderfully observant, people and scene watching really makes life an exciting place to walk or sit in. don't you think! However, takes skill to share so distinctly. Think the writer, creator, has to be his or her own judge, she says, being diplomatic! .

[Michael Oliver]

dunno - I could rewrite and rewrite and still not get the mot juste

[emmajoy]

Why do writers put themselves through such hell, I wonder!

[Michael Oliver]

It is the same as when I am painting - the media is not the thing - it is an attempt to catch reallity which is ever changing and so damnably elusive - but we want to share it - expletives