On the Count of Two

On the count of two

"one" I hear you whisper in my ear

"No" I say trying to hide my tears

I'm holding you in my arms praying you wont say two

"One" you say again

I won't let you say it

You place your hand on the side of my face

I can feel your warmness fading

"Please dont" I say pleadingly

You smile at me your eyes beginning to close.

you have just enough strength to bring yourself to my lips

One soft kiss short and simple

"three" You say to me and I feel as your hand slips away with the rest of you

"George" I say trying to wake you

"Please dont do this George"

But its to late

 your gone

I stay there with you in my arms

 your blood all over my body

"You didn't say two" I whisper to your still figure

I remove the knife out of your chest and lay you down on my bed

"Goodnight" I say and kiss you on the top of your head

" On the count of two" I manage to choke out

" One, ..........Two" Bang the gun goes off I land into your dead arms

I'll see you in heaven

On the the count of two

"One, Two"

 

 

 

Reviews

[KeeD]

I really liked the beauty of this piece, Till death do as part has no relevance.. because this is an eternal love. It's like an untold story, I'm begging to know how they got to this place, this situation. It's so well written that :D I question myself after reading the piece. What would I do If i loved someone so much, the answer isn't an easy one and that's why this poem means a lot. Great write.

[misha]

Thank You

[Satellite Heart]

well you and george seem like the definition of LOve. Not like that selfish rose on the titanic, she couldve shared her door.

[KeeD]

I think if she didn't eat all that cheese for dinner jack would still be alive today :(.. But people who sail by the Atlantic often spot jack, he's a merman now, living the dream.. he gets all the fin he wants...

[Emily]

It is like a modern day Romeo and Juliet only they kill themselves at the same time, one after another.
There are a few ways to look at this one. I like that it is not your usual poem. It is amazing how you can be so unsure of your decisions at the
last minute.
I liked this. I would almost like to see a little more hesitation on her part before she pulls the trigger.
Why did she choose the gun and he chose the knife. If it were the other way around,
he would actually die that fast...

regardless, this needs a little bit of grammar work to help with the flow, but the shock value of the piece is just fantastic.
You've done a nice job of making everyone do a double take. Nice work!

[Nyida Strong]

Woah... What the hell was that?! Who's George and why did he have a knife in his chest? I'm in shock, which is a good place to be after reading a poem such as this. Amazing! When you leave the reader demanding to know more then never tell us, you are giving us a gift. The idea that we will never have those answers is tantalizing. Very well done!

N. Strong

[Miana]

girly who is george ????? i am still wondering who is george who is he tell me plllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ