#Hell or high water

I waddle quickly through the hall, looking much like an oversized duck. My feet curving outward from underneath me; my body trying very much to escape itself. I have to pee. I find myself in these situations more often than i’ll openly admit. However, despite the inconvenient feeling the pressure from my bladder makes. It has worked in my favor before, escaping the tedium of company meetings for example or excusing oneself from a bad date to make plans with friends.

Today I find myself on the other end of the compendium of “When Nature Calls”. I just so happened to be giving a talk to a large crowd of people on the “efficacy of using hashtags as speech in advertising. #savage”. I’d spent the last 6-months putting the data together. I’d also compiled a list of 1000 hashtags with phrases and provided definitions for each a pseudo dictionary of the newly developing slang. I hadn’t once however conceived of the now readily apparent #whennaturecalls. which would have been at least in the realm of being an “on purpose” excuse for running out mid sentence, or if nothing else something funny enough to excuse the incident and maybe drive home the point of my presentation. However, I just paced wildly across the stage losing my focus until I found myself not being able to hold it and waddling my way to this cozy stall. Blinders on each side as to hide the size of my sma… huge member.

It's hard really to describe in words the relief you feel when #releasingthefloodgates. It's much like the enjoyment you get from copulation, except here you don’t find yourself going all-in on a $200 dollar dinner bill at that sushi place on Broadway and 4th for the half-unsure notion that maybe she’ll come home with you. Regardless, going pee when the feeling arises and the ecstasy that comes from relief is one of life's gifts and I’ve come to enjoy it #hellorhighwater.