Crazy Martha

Let me know what you think

As we pulled up to the gas station there was a woman talking into a pay phone on the side of the building. I recognized her as “Crazy Martha” She was known as being the town prostitute and meth addict. She had matted red hair and sported a lip ring. Meth had turned her once beautiful face into a jagged and rough thing. She wore a hoody and pajama pants that made her look like a raisin, the contours of her oversized clothes creating rivets that resembled those of dried grapes. I could hear her as she yelled into the payphone.

M: You promised me I’d be famous ron!
M: You said you’d get me a F*****g contract!
M: F*****g Listen to Me ron!
M: I am tired of your f*****g bullshit you f*****g mother fuker!
M: You son a b***h ron!

She hangs up the phone then picks it up immediately without dialing...

M: You said we had a deal!
M: You think I am going to F*****g wait ron!
M: You piece of s**t!
M: You F*****g Mother F*****g B***h.
M: AHHHH! You f*****g Liar!

She hangs the phone up again and picks up without dialing a second time.

M: Come on ron we had a deal, you know me.

As she continues I realize that Martha is desperately trying to make something of herself. She is yelling into that payphone... Only to be greeted on the other end by a dialtone. She pleads her case and no one is on the other end.

Reviews

[Octavia]

I really like this one. It has more dialog, faster pace. Your details paint the scene and I feel this woman's desperation.

Interesting use of the "M:" to mark her exclamations. I think it works. Certainly it breaks up the flow and adds more urgency than a block of text.

Two thumbs way up.

[miahstr]

I am glad you enjoyed this one! I was really hoping to emphasize here that despite her yelling there was no one on the other line who was going to help her.

[Octavia]

Yes, you got that point across for sure. I really liked that aspect. It made the tragedy of the scene really come across.

[mercy party]

that was great! nothing says desperation like that scene, but somehow i feel her desperation resonates with pretty much anyone, a back story develops, that's when you know as an author you did something good. I like your unique style as well.

[miahstr]

Hey Mercy!
Thank you for your review. I am glad that you enjoyed it. Haha, I am glad that you find my style to be unique! I above all hope to create things that people will find interesting.
Cheers
Miahstr

[Vicky]

this is a beautiful story. I don't like the language though.

[miahstr]

Hey Vicky,
Sorry if the language was a bit much for you. I used it to really highlight her character and the scene itself more than anything. Thanks for the review and I am glad that you found it beautiful despite its language.
Cheers
Miastr