Emptiness

Empty.

It's been awhile since I feel empty.

Chronic emptiness. Gnaws at my soul,

ever since you've been gone.

Are you the one who left,

or am I the one who walked away?

Either way we are no longer as close as before.

Am I the one who abandon you?

Blaming you for the things that've become?

Attributing all the faults to you.

Why did this happen.

My god.

Did you put me in this situation?

Or are you the one who planned for this to occur?

My god.

I must be so disappointed.

Disappointed in you.

Disappointed in me.

I thought you are all-powerfull, all-majestic,

all-knowing.

Surely you can prevent this from happening.

But why?

Why did things turn out this way?

Are you abandoning me?

Perhaps, am I not sincere enough, not love you enough,

that you are angry with me, and decide to punish me?

Our relationship is distant.

I could not be bothered to talk much with you anymore

My heart hesitant, my eyes doubtful, my mind confused

Surely you are god.

Surely we have been close before.

What's happening now?

I feel so far away from you.

Do you feel it too?

I stop going to church

Yet I still believe in you.

In the fact that you are god.

I can't deny that.

You are god.

But why do you treat me like this.

I do not want to blame you.

What should I do?

I've never felt this empty for a long long time

This familar feeling of emptiness and futility

This emptiness that comes whenever i'm far from you.

Chronic feeling of emptiness.

Purposelessness.

Nothing can replace you.

How can I turn back to you?

I need to forgive you my Lord

How can we fix this?