A Letter

I wrote this a couple of years ago. I started out writing a song, and this came out all at once. It was one of the strangest experiences I've ever had, and I haven't written anything like it since.

Dear Friend,

I find a still silence passing through us in crowded rooms. Romance, stale and spoiled, resonates within my lungs. An inaudible gasp, one that must be felt to be noticed, forces itself through my dry lips. What is love? Nothing but a stranger that warrants a second glance? Is it replaceable or replicable, or is it truly lost?

I build my lines once again, but these soldiers have marched far too long to fight with the same passion that we've seen in other battles. I'm defeated, but I refuse to retreat on this day. The sky is so clear, and the air so crisp. This is a perfect day to die for something, but please don't ask this of me. I find myself in possession of my intentions on this afternoon.

This is merely an ill advised warning to the restless. The dreams of past victories and hopes for new beginnings are not enough to fill this barren heart. I know not the words to say to make you remember who I used to be. I find my self reciting compendiums from time to time in hopes that they may appear. There is a stability present in these waning hours when I am alone in my regret. I dare you to feel. I dare you to open your eyes and see me.

Past judgments have been levied against us. Concepts and frames surround our circumstance. Once and then twice, how clumsy can someone be with their soul? I cry out, knowing the sound falls on a deafened heart. Cry wolf, cry love, cry. Changes patch over me. So many lines were resolved in these passing days.

I spend hours fixated on a memory I am no longer sure is my own. Beautiful dreams find me even when sleep cannot. Stick or fade my dear, but don't leave me on my knees praying to things I've never believed in.

This is the gray that fills the sky on winter days. Right or wrong I know that this is love. Alas, you have always been a spring flower. I understand if you cannot weather this frost, but I assure you the thaw is coming soon.

This is my last grasp before I let go. I am not sure how far I'll have to fall before I allow the ledge I rely on fade into the sky. Death. Finality. Mortality is not the victim, but regret. There will be no apology deeper than this. Such a brief moment was shared between us, but I am forever changed by your presence in my life. I've shown bravery that has failed me in past encounters. A victim of comfort and fear of change. These times have taught me to follow my heart and embrace chances to move forward.

Unfortunately, we've found ourselves a causality in this struggle. I have tried with all of the best intentions to revive us, but I fear I am the only one that longs to breathe for this now. As each breath I take brings me closer to an end, I see now what matters most to me. It is not the future. It is the people and situation my life has presented me with. I know now how easily this can be compromised. I have felt loss.

Thoughts of you cross my mind in every situation. I find myself wondering about you when my mind is both idle and occupied. I see signs of you in many places. They act as a reminder to live for me. They remind me of all the solace and pain connected with an idle heart doing anything to be content and safe. They also act as proof of the beautiful happiness that can come from following your heart and taking a chance.

This is the last goodbye I will ever say to you. I can assure you of this one thing. If you find a place for me in your life I will stay until you tell me to go. If not, let this be the means to an end. Whatever your choice, you will remain forever in my heart and thoughts.

Sincerely,

An Old Friend

Author's Note

This just came out in one sitting. I've never gone back in to edit it any further, but I thought I should share it.

Reviews

[that-little-green-monst..]

Wow.. Really, really great story! Its amazing and full of emotions. I believe this is very powerful and I really love the imagery. I have to say the line that stood out to me was, "This is my last grasp before I let go. I am not sure how far I'll have to fall before I allow the ledge I rely on fade into the sky. Death. Finality. Mortality is not the victim, but regret. There will be no apology deeper than this." Its really is very wonderful! Nice job! Please keep up the good work.