By The Moonlight Part 1

The first part of my sort-of romantic song/poem. Hope you like it!

By The Moonlight Part 1

Don’t you worry

I’ll hold you tight tonight

And I’ll say sorry

For all the wrong I did and make it right

 

Feel your lips now

Gently press against my own

And I know now

This is just where I belong

 

And when the road ahead

Looks so bleak and bare

I hear your voice in the wind

And I know that you’ll be there

 

And your eyes are the brightest of all

Your smile outshines the sun

And I’ve never felt more sure

That you must be the one

For me

 

As the sun sets

Let’s leave this all behind

Hold you close

Lose all sense of time

Savour this moment

Keep this for eternity

As you dance by the moonlight with me

 

Reviews

[Charles]

Another nicely rhymed poem that expresses emotion in appropriate terms with no freefall into overly romantic gibberish. If I might be so bold (and why not?) I'd suggest dropping the word 'so' in the 2nd line of the 3rd stanza - it's too soft between all the hard sounds in the line and doesn't really enhance the concept of 'bleak and bare.' The last stanza represents a divergence from the way the voice is speaking - from relatively complete sentences to telegrahed phrases (hold you close, lose all sense of time and so on). While this is a reasonable format, i think it distracts from the rhythm the preceding stanzas establish. Good work on this one as well as the others I've read.