Introspection

a monologue/rant of someone with a superiority complex to someone or something that haunts them. Speaker did something bad. Highly up to interpretation

I don’t feel you should know me. There is nothing beneficial to be gained from hearing what I have to say, yet here you are, eager as always. Why do you always do this? Why do you care? What do you have to gain from listening? You, my friend, are an odd creature, waiting in the shadows for my next big event. I would ask you to leave, but I know better than that. You never will.

I didn’t do anything wrong. I protected myself, as I always do while you sit there without a care in the world. I only have myself, just as myself only has me. I am me and we are one, and no one can ever take that away. They can take and take until there’s nothing left, but they will never take myself, or me, or I. We are invincible. 

Humans are fleeting. Fragile, like broken little birds who wandered too far from the nest. I am not like that. I am different. I can change lives, and although they can never take me away, I can take them. Some might call this talent that of a god, in which I can take them, or him, or her. Despite similarities, I am no god. I am me, just as I always was, and always will be. I cannot change, not that I want to. That’s a common misconception about life, that people can learn from their mistakes and become the person society wants them to be. I don’t believe in mistakes. They are futile, and pointless, and so why would I ever make one? 

I did what I had to do. You should know better than anyone that what I did was necessary for survival; in fact, it could even be argued as moral. I am an upstanding creature in society, a hero of my time. I saved this school from a demon, strategically planning to prey on the innocent. But she did something I would never do. She made a mistake. She got too cocky, too confident to realize that her actions have consequences and I am that consequence. I will be her awakening. 

But why does this interest you? You who have no face, no emotion, no voice, yet you can see, hear, and speak. You can walk, and feel, and care, and judge. I have never heard your voice, yet I hear you every day. Do you know why people live?

Surviving is not enough for humanity. They want to grow, make friends, and reach their full potential in life. Potential. Nature versus nurture. Why do people do the things they do? They care too much. They cannot stand the thought of dying with nothing, no legacy, no family, no money. They don’t understand that the world is so much more than that. Emotions cloud judgment, and facts are the only way to see clearly. The fact is, humans are flawed, and no matter how much they try, they will never rectify their weaknesses. My favorite human desire is peace, because in theory it is achievable. In reality, peace is extinct and I will make sure it never comes back. Living in peace is living a lie. Life is not peaceful; it is dark and terrible and overwhelming. Nothing can make you feel worse than life, not even people. Why should they pretend everything is perfect just for a false peace? False peace will never be better than hard truth; truth saves lives, and peace ends them. 

How did you find me? Did you choose me, or do you work for someone? Am I just a pawn in your big scheme? I control my own life. I protect myself from everyone, without ever asking for help. Do you want to help me? You just stay there in the shadows, always there but never seen. Why am I the only one that can see you? I have asked you these questions a million times, and every time you look away and that is that. I control my life, yet I cannot control you. You are my weakness, shadow. Are you proud of that? Do you live to torment me, to remind me even I cannot do everything? I do not believe I will ever get these answers, and I do not know how to feel about that. Why do I feel anything?

She deserved it. She looked for a victim, and chose the wrong one. She will never hurt anyone again. I did a good thing, and I have no reason to feel guilty about it. So why does everyone look so sad? I know they witnessed her evil acts just as I did. Everyone knew her, and no one wanted to. It does not matter now; time is fleeting, and so are humans. 

Do you care? You have an otherworldly ability to get me to talk, but you never react. I can feel your silent stare constantly watching, judging my every move. I do not have to answer to the likes of you. I am me, and that is all I ever need to be. You cannot help me, or hurt or ruin or wreck or kill. I am unstoppable, and that is all that matters in this life. Not even you can take me down, creature. I will live forever. 

Will I live forever? Now is not the time to be questioning these facts; the fact is I will, I will be remembered for all time and no mere mortality will ever be able to touch me. This world is nothing in the bigger scheme, a speck in the vastly consuming space of the universe. 

So what are you? Why do you creep toward me now, as if to reach out to offer advice, or support, or maybe even death. It is not my time, monster, so back down now while you have the chance. Do not forget who is in charge here, even if my power fails me and you are able to progress further than you should. You look familiar, and although I cannot see your face, I feel as if we have met in another life. We are bonded, and the intensity is building so much I feel I might break. You reach closer, and for a moment I think to break the distance, to accept your guidance and go down a different path to the future. What are you doing to me? Why don’t you leave me alone? You make my mind distort and flex into a torturous maze of cacophonous thoughts and emotions. Emotions? Emotion is weakness and I am not weak. Still, you grasp me and I cannot control my own body anymore. I am me and we are one. What have I done to deserve this? I live on facts and influence, and everything I do is with purpose. You know this better than anyone, as you have been with me for… I do not remember. The length is not important, only the content. Still, I grow weaker, and a hint of sympathy for the girl seeps through my bones. You know too much. 

I am fleeting. 

Author's Note

I'm not looking for writing advice. This is just for fun, but you can share your thoughts!