Cake Icing Caper

What happens when cake is left unguarded.

It was a beautiful spring Sunday morning. The birds were chirping away and the sun's golden rays were just peeking over the mountain. We were getting ready for church, and as an added bonus this was the day of the church picnic. I always loved church picnics because I could have all the sodas I could drink and all my favorite foods plus desserts were there in seemingly endless supply. Mom had made several items to take for the picnic, but what I considered her main contribution was a huge two-layer vanilla cake smothered in chocolate icing. Mom had already told us that if any was left over after the picnic us kids could split it later. Mom's cake was usually a big hit at picnics and I was sure there would be very little left to split, so I made plans to get a big slice at the picnic first thing just in case.

Suddenly the peaceful Sunday morning was shattered by the piercing scream of  "what happened to my cake?" This brought the whole household running into the kitchen and screeching to a stop beside Mom at the kitchen table. She had just taken the cake out of the fridge and decided to check and see if the icing needed any touch ups before packing it in the car for the trip to church. hen she set it on the table and took the cover off the cake plate she beheld the most horrifying sight of her baking life. The cake was totally naked. Not a speck of icing was on it, in fact it looked like it had never had any icing applied at all. It was just plain vanilla cake with some swirl marks on it. Dad leaned in close and asked "what are these swirls all over it?" He then leaned in evev further for a closer look and exclaimed "they're tongue marks!" We all clamored to see for ourselves, and sure enough they looked for all the world exactly like tongue marks.

Now here was a real mystery. Who would lick all the icing off of a cake? The first suggested culprit was the dog. Our dog had been known to be a food thief in the past, so he naturally topped our suspect list. "No" Mom said, "It was in the fridge inside the cake plate. How could the dog open the fridge, remove the cake plate, get the top off the plate, lick all the icing then recover the plate and get it back in the fridge?" She had a good point. Even though it had all the hallmarks of a dog-type job, it was obvious the dog could never have pulled it off. Dogs lack the dexterity and opposible thumbs required for this caper, so only a human could be responsible, but who? Who would be brazen enough to desecrate a cake destined for the church picnic? Why just the previous evening Mom had finished the caked and announced to all that it was for the church picnic and none of us should touch it. Which one of us would be so hard-headed as to defy a direct order and lick the cake clean exactly like a dog?

We all knew at once there was only one kid in this family that could even be considered capable of such a mindless destructive act. It had to be kid whose nickname was in fact "The Food Dog". None other than my con-man of a brother Greg. We then looked around and saw that he was the only one who had not come running after the initial scream. Dad had to summon him with the dreaded phrase "Get in her Greg, and don't make me come looking for you boy". That brought him slinking in with his head held low and looking rather sheepish. He knew he was caught dead to rights, so he immediately spilled his guts.

He explained, "I just wanted a little taste of icing. I figured I could get just a finger's worth then fix it back and nobody would know. But it was just too good and I couldn't help myself. Before I knew it all the icing was gone." Unfortunately that perfectly rational explanation did not do much to lessen the severity of his punishment. And since no one wanted to enjoy tongue cake, what was left of the once beautiful cake was thrown out. Mom the got a couple of apple pies from the freezer to replace the lost cake. I never did understand how Greg thought he could de-ice an entire cake then just put it back and hope no one would notice. Maybe he was counting on it not being discovered until we got to the picnic, then a big scene couldn't be made. It's a good thing Mom decided to make that last minute check, because how do you explain a naked cake to a hungry churc h congregation?

Author's Note

This is a true story that needed hardly any embelishment.