Judo Club

A short story of childhood antics.

My brother Greg is a con man. I discovered this the hard way as a wee lad. When I was a child having candy in the house was an extreme rarity. With six kids to feed and clothe, my parents didn't have a lot of money left over for luxury items like candy. This scarcity of candy had the side effect of causing us kids to scarf down any that happened to show up like lions on an antelope. As a result of this candy depravity I developed a confection craving akin to that of a junkie for his crack pipe. I would hoard every penny I could scrounge until I had sufficient funds for a shopping spree. I would then beg for a ride to Heath's Grocery, which was our local general store, and head straight for the candy aisle.

I would browse this section and make mental notes of each candy's pros and cons, with an eye toward getting the most bang for the buck. I wanted every penny to be well spent so I would end up with the perfect mixture of quality and quantity. I did not yet posess the math skills to be able to determine exactly how much the dreaded sales tax was going to screw me out of, but I made rough allowances nonetheless. Finally after poring over my options for 30 minutes or so, and simultaneously ignoring my mother's pleas to hurry up, I would have my final selections. You would have thought I was making the most important decision of my life, and to me it was. When I left the store I carried my little brown paper bag tightly in my fist as if it were pure gold, and sharing with my siblings was never even a consideration.

My brother Greg was a very different sort of child. He lived in the moment and did not have the willpower or forethought to save any money. Whenever he did get some money he would blow it all the next day at school buying worthless junk like melted army men off of some shyster kid. By the same token, whenever he happenened to get some candy he would devour it all within 20 seconds and barely even taste it. I, on the other hand, preferred to savor every mouthfull and make it last as long as possible.

Now we come to the crux of the issue. After Greg's candy was long gone, I still had plenty left for myself and this became a source of envy for Greg. He tried the old routine of whining to mom, "Mark's got all this candy and he won't share any with me." But mom was fair and she knew that I had scrimped and saved and deserved to keep my hard earned candy, so she told Greg to stop whining and save up for his own candy if he wanted some so badly. Of course Greg didn't want to hear that, besides he knew candy tasted better when it was someone else's. It was then he set his devious little mind toward a scheme to rob me of my candy without getting into trouble. This scheme became known as the judo club.

In a stroke of sheer genious, Greg decided to form an exclusive club that would only accept members of the highest caliber who could pay their membership dues in the currency of candy. He being the founder was exempt from paying dues himself. He then launched an aggressive advertising campaign targeted at the candy affluent such as myself. When I first heard of this judo club, I thought it was great. For a few bits of chocolate I could learn judo self-defense secrets from a master. I was sucked in. At our first meeting I should have been tipped off by his opening remarks, "Did you bring the candy?", but I was blinded by visions of becoming a judo expert and being able to defend myself against schoolyard bullies. It never occured to me that Greg knew nothing about self-defense, and was in fact the most bullied kid in school.

I soon found out my mistake shortly after the first meeting of judo club opened. Greg started the proceedings by saying "OK, get up here on the bed and show me the candy." I opened up my wrinkly little paper bag and poured the contents of my stash on the bed. Greg spread out the loot to get a good look at it, then quickly grabbed all the best items and left me with nothing but scond class goods. I felt a twinge of heartsickness, but decided it would be worth the loss if I came away with judo skills. "Allright, let's get started" he said. I was abuzz with excitement at the thought of the power that would soon be mine. We both stood in the middle of the the bed and bowed as he began to impart his wisdom. "Judo is mostly kicking" he said while he threw one leg out in a half hearted kick. "Meeting adjourned. See you next time." Then he ran off, his pockets bulging with my candy. That's how I found out my brother Greg is a con man.

Author's Note

This is just a story from my childhood that I wrote down without really thinking about it.

Reviews

[looneygirl]

I thought it was realy good. It shows the reader just how smart children really are when they want something.

[Marla V]

This is a great story and very well told. It would be a great story for kids who want some clean fun for sibling mischief, and also for parents to know the other side that they don't get told until we are grown and sitting around remembering old times. I loved it!!!