Night Fest

A Story by Mary

A journal entry- Sept 9

Two swigs of straight Absolut Vodka. The burning in my throat is harsh but calming. I swallow quickly and take another swig to help numb my head. I instantly feel sick as it settles in my stomach, but I hope it helps my head to stop spinning. The burning slowly dissipates; I could almost feel the vodka swishing in my almost empty stomach. I want to eat something, but I’ll hold off on that… My dinner of two spoons of fried rice and eggroll doesn’t seem enough now, I’m thirsty but I don’t feel like getting up. I could feel nausea setting in… Maybe I shouldn’t have just drunk the vodka alone… It’s not even mine. It belongs to my roommate. The nausea settles a little after burping. Though kind of gross, it helps alleviate some of the pressure now building in my stomach. It’s not happy. It’s not used to this, I am usually not a partaker in alcohol of any kind. If I am, it is mixed. Not this time. I wanted something to help bring me down, to help me from feeling this way. The sounds of the crowed gather under the night slowly began to become almost a whisper as I walked away.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to do something with all this tension inside of me. I hated feeling this way. I was ok for a long time, but now she’s not here. I am here alone, feeling further away from the people that I know. I want to look for an escape. And of course I know that Vodka alone won’t bring me there, but I am too lazy for anything drastic. Oh, that movie from Netflix. I forgot I had it. Maybe we will see it, but I doubt it. Especially since they will come back, pumped and on adrenaline high from the party and the pre-gaming activities. They don’t care, it’s just a film. I’ll just return it, even though the intensions were to have it be watched. I’m contemplating whether or not I should chug the whole bottle, even though I know I will throw up before I am half finished. Campus Police will come and I will have the choices of either hospital or jail. Neither sound great, especially since I’ve landed a manager level job.

My stomach is finally settling, the soft Nine Inch Nails music lulling my brain into a stupor. Maybe it’s the vodka, I can’t tell. The sounds from the night crowd slowly drift into my window, carried by the cool breeze. I’m not going to cry anymore. It’s over. At least I hope so. The swallow spit, trying to calm my dry throat. I look over to the orange on my desk. Perfect snack, but I had one earlier. Maybe I’ll just open one of my snacks, Nutter Butter perhaps. My empty water bottle next to it. I can get water too while I’m at it. Yea. Then I’ll make my phone call then Kris will be on later to chat. It’s not perfect, but this will be my night. I’m not too happy about it but, I’ll just to have to call it my own.