Look At What You Can't Have

Old blessings die;

as new evils are born.

Tattered souls try;

as more wounds are torn.

Things I used to love are lost,

they've left me.

Things I can't have,

they laugh at me.

Haha you were born that way;

too bad, not good enough today.

Trampled as life turns to dismay,

what made me feel alive has gone astray.

Return of hatred makes itself known,

anger and resentment overtakes and is regrown,

it's no surprise I feel alone,

retained desires cry in a silent tone.

I now fear what I will be,

isolation comes with a mental fee,

insanity as far as the eye can see,

the clueless will speculate what happened to me.

Everything happened,

life happened,

this world happened,

reality happened.

Everything is a slap in the face,

everything is a cringing loss,

everything is failing in comparison,

everything puts you in your pathetic place.

That place is in the pile of s**t life loves to remind you that you belong in,

and in this stool I sit like a fool;

and it gets hard to bear,

to just watch and stare.

Helplessly yearning for what I know I'll never have,

the clarity and sweet success,

the love of the girl with the pretty dress,

the assurance that I'm not a failure,

to be the one to cure what ails her.

I win none of the above;

so I withdraw to all I've got,

because this is all myself has taught;

the ever persistent hatred of self,

around since the year that was my twelfth.

Always keeping close eyes,

sadness that never completely dies.

My conscience; the brutal truth in disguise,

any escape is something I fail to realize.