Just Sleep

You're walking down a narrow sidewalk that leads to your home from your school, workplace, or any place you went on that day. It's nighttime now. It's nothing out of the ordinary. You always go home at nighttime; unless you had other plans and decided to go back to your safe haven early or you just didn't feel like going out. Nonetheless, this night is just one of those nights that are very familiar to you like a family member or a friend whom you've known for quite a while.

But are you comfortable with it? Yes, yes you are. You're as comfortable as you can be.

You continued walking...walking...walking...and walking. You kept on walking but you seem to get nowhere. It's like you're in an infinite loop.

You're not scared. 'Scared' is not the word for it. You feel uncomfortable. That suits perfectly in the situation you're in. You're really uncomfortable now. This is the first time you've felt so uncomfortable in your life. It feels as if someone is watching you. You walked faster, but you weren't leaving that same empty and dark sidewalk you've had your feet on for several minutes.

You started sweating like crazy and your heartbeat is beating at a fast pace. Why are you feeling like this? This is not normal at all. You know you have an anxiety problem but you've recovered from it long ago. So why is it coming back? This obviously means something is completely wrong.

That feeling of being watched is becoming harder minute by minute. You stop walking. You hear footsteps behind you. You were too uncomfortable to move an inch...but you knew you had to know who is watching you and following you somehow.

So you quickly turned around.

No one was there.

But you can still hear the footsteps and you can still feel like someone is intensely watching you.

All of a sudden, the world stopped. You can't hear anything but your own shaky breath and fast heartbeat. This feels like something straight out of a horror movie. It's so cliché yet it's so real. Could the events that happened in those movies you watched be true? What a stupid question. Of course they are. They are happening to you right now.

Without thinking, you call out a "Hello?" But where is your voice? You can't hear it. You know you spoke so why can't you hear it?

"Hello?" You call out again.

You idiot. I know this is something you usually see in a horror movie but did you really have to follow the steps to becoming the first dumb person to die?

You stood your ground, still not hearing a single noise. It's as if someone stuffed cotton balls in your ears so you won't be able to hear anything.

Then you heard the footsteps again. That noise is everywhere. You tried to know where it's coming from but it's ringing around your ears. The eyes that followed your every move came back. You're not uncomfortable anymore. You're frightened...frightened for your life and what is to come and take it away from you.

After a few moments of heavy breathing, there you saw with both your eyes.

It was you. It was you walking towards you. You were looking straight at yourself. You're so confused. How are you able to see yourself? This doesn't make sense at all.

The 'you' that you're seeing walked through you like a ghost. You turned your head to see yourself but you were gone.

'What the hell?' You thought to yourself.

You turned back around and saw you again. It was all like a loop, one that you felt a while ago. It was like a scenario of you just walking down the sidewalk and passing through you. It went just like that for a good few minutes until you saw you again. But this time, your face was evil and crooked. Your smile was something you've never pulled before. It held a grim look. You thought, 'that's not me...so who is that?'

The crooked you didn't walk through you. 'You' stopped in front of you with that disturbing smile. You were speechless and utterly frightened. The crooked you sent an eerie vibe. The eyes of your crooked self gave the same chilly feeling you got when you felt watched.

The crooked you raised their right hand and pressed it against your chest and put the other one on your neck. It was hurting you so much you feel like you're going to die. You couldn't breathe and the pain was hovering over your chest, neck and soon your whole body. You screamed-you screamed loud. Why can't anyone hear you?

You wished that this was all a bad dream. You wished that this is just one of the nightmares you had when you still had your severe anxiety. You wished. You prayed.

'Lord help me please. Wake me up from this nightmare. Please, I need you.'

You couldn't take the pain anymore. I guess this is it. This is where I pass away. You screamed in agony.

Soon enough, you woke up with your body full of sweat and your breathing was as heavy as the smoke coming out of an old train. It was just a horrid dream. You thank God for waking you up. It felt so real. It felt as if someone was really gripping your throat and squeezing the oxygen out of you while that person sat on your chest.

You sat upright and tried to breathe normally. You spent a good half hour thinking about what you just experienced.

While you were still thinking about it, voices started to form in your head. They were getting louder every second. You shut your eyes and covered your ears but the voices didn't stop.

"Stop! Please just stop it!" You yelled. Nothing happened, when a small familiar voice whispered, "Goodnight."

It was your voice. You heard your voice say that word but you don't remember that coming out of your mouth.

"Just sleep and we'll be together forever." You heard your voice again speak out.

You slowly turned your head to your left, looking at the mirror, and there you saw your crooked self with the eyes singing murder and lips breathing evil. The world stopped spinning as the crooked you held up their right hand and pressed it on your chest while the other one on your neck.

"Just sleep."

The only me is me.
Are you sure the only you is you?

"Deep into the darkness peering,
Long I stood there
Wondering, fearing, doubting,
Dreaming dreams
No mortal ever dared
To dream before." ~ Edgar Allen Poe

"A drink for the horror that I'm in,
For the good guys, and the bad guys,
For the monsters that I've been.
Three cheers for tyranny,
Unapologetic apathy,
Cause there ain't no way that I'm coming back again." ~ Sleep by My Chemical
Romance

Author's Note

Just Sleep is about half the nightmare that I had when my first ever panic attack happened, and the other half about what I was fearing for after experiencing it.

I'm sorry if there are any grammatical errors. English is not my first language.