gone

the actual path my life could've gone down, but didn't.

she was the new girl on the right side of the wrong side of the tracks,
she was that quiet girl who did her work
and didn't raise her hand in class.

the kind of girl who met people like dot com and mercedes,
but wasn't known for her name,
the kind of girl who hung out with the nerds,
but wasn't known for any sort of reputation.

she was friendlier towards her teachers
than any kid who didn't try to talk to her anyway
she was the type of girl who made her parents proud.

she was the type of the girl who ran for student council her freshman year
to hide the pain and the uncomfort of being around people.

she was the type to win elections
to inspire people with the words they wanted to hear.

she hated her own voice, she didn't understand
the power behind the words, or the tone she controlled so easily.

she hated her own body, she did understand
that it was the type that people aspired to not look like, and not feel like.

the type of girl who bottled the pain that other people handed to her,
the type of girl who needed a release, and found that in the worst way.

not the type to look for ways to keep herself high

but the type to look for ways to keep her blood cell count

low.

she was the type to look for understanding in voices across the world
she let herself get hurt
so
easily.
she let herself forgive

so

easily.

she felt empathy for anyone who crossed her path
she was the type of girl who carried around others' pain.

until it was too late.