ASYLUM

They arrived at the Serbian embassy and the servant answered the door.  Radic and his wife were not home. He told them they were expected any moment now because they are usually home by midnight when going to engagements. He instructed them to wait in the drawing room.  Babic went to the bar and helped himself to a snifter of the honey brandy.  He poured one for Lenny.  Nabokov was lounging on the divan.  The front door opened and there were muffled voices. The doors to the drawing room opened and Radic walked in.

“Well. Whom have we here?  Are we to have our duel? Is Nabokov your second or is it this traitor, Lenny?”

“Lenny was taken at gunpoint by your niece to take her to my embassy where she and my son were going to kidnap Nabokov and  sell him to the Yugoslavs.”

Radic gasped with his eyes wide opened. “Is this true Lenny?”

“Yes,” Lenny said knowing it was a lie.  The part about kidnapping Nabokov was true  and Serena did in fact have those motives and she did put him up to driving her. That was enough for him.

“Well, we shall give Nabokov asylum.  Poor thing. Has he eaten?”

“No.  Not since this morning.”

Radic summoned the servant and told him to fix a bowl for Nabokov then went behind the bar and brought out some treats for him.

“Radic, I would not have stepped foot in your embassy if Nabokov’s life was not in danger.”

“And I would not have allowed you to come in if not for your dog. I can overlook the comment you said about my Bozic.” Radic said.

“Forgive me for that,” Babic said grudgingly.

“We must think of Nabokov now.”

“Where is little Bozic?” Babic asked.

“He is asleep in his room.”

The servant came in with a silver bowl of food for Nabokov.  He didn’t hesitate to eat.  Lenny excused himself to go to the bathroom.  He walked out into the hall and looked both ways in case that Bugoy was lurking around.  There was no sign of him so he turned the corner.  He was clear so he went in cautiously.  When he was done he looked both ways and started around the corner when out of nowhere Bugoy leapt at him and clung to his left thigh, mewling and hissing.  Lenny screamed and was trying to shake him off.  The door to the drawing room opened and Babic and Radic came rushing into the hall.

“Bugoy! You just stop right now.  Get off.” he said to Bugoy as if he were chastising an impudent child.

Nabokov came charging at Lenny.  When Bugoy caught sight of the dog he clawed his way up to Lenny’s head.  His claws dug into his scalp and Lenny started screaming in agony.

Nabokov started jumping on Lenny to get to the cat, growling and barking and drooling.  The cat was hissing at him.  

“Nabokov!  Down.  Get down.  Bad boy.”  Babic said to Nabokov, but to no avail.  Lenny started spinning round, his hands grabbing the cat and trying to yank him off but the cat had a strong grip on his scalp.  The dog kept jumping up on him.  Finally Babic was able to grab him by his collar and managed to bring him back into the drawing room and closed the door. The servant came running out and chanted something in what sounded like Pidgeon and Bugoy immediately jumped off Lenny’s head and sauntered off like nothing ever happened.

The servant, whom Radic addressed as Guy (pronounced [g]ee, the g being the voiced velar phoneme, more like a voiced reverse gutteral), brought out a washcloth and some liniments to tend to Lenny’s head.  He had him lay back in the lounge chair and began applying this pungent green pasty salve to his scalp.  It did not feel too unpleasant.  It was actually cooling like aloe vera on sunburn.  He massaged it into his follicles and the sting went away.  Guy said it relieves pain, prevents infection, and speeds up the healing process.  It also increases the libido. It sounded like Neosporin plus Viagra. Must be some kind of voodoo remedy.  He didn’t think he needed increased libido.  He wasn’t using any of it, that’s for sure.  Nonetheless, Lenny was grateful.

“I am sorry about what happened, Lenny,” Radic said.

“And I am sorry for Nabokov jumping on you,” Babic said.

“Do you think Serena and your son would have harmed you?” he asked Babic.

“Who knows. I know the Yugoslav would have me assassinated for Nabokov.”

“My niece has a heart as cold as a Mongolian goat herder’s bed on his wedding night.  She has certainly killed for less. Well, it’s not certain but we suspect she poisoned her childhood friend for a promotion at the slaughterhouse.”

Meanwhile, Lenny was still in a state of shock over the things that had transpired this evening.  Like Alice said, he aided and abetted a kidnapper and most likely a killer.  They might have killed him along with Babic to tie up loose ends.  Very noirish.  He was just some random schmuck that had gotten sucked into some intrigue whose life is suddenly in danger because of a woman who was trouble from the start.  Like Robert Mitchum in any one of his films. Now that he was in the thick of things he was having second thoughts about being involved in shady international affairs that involved kidnapping show dogs.

There was a gunshot in the hall.  Radic and Babic ran out of the room and saw Serena standing over Guy’s body holding a pistol.  She trained the gun on Babic.  “Uncle Radic, this is none of your concern.  I have an issue with Babic, not you”

“Is it true, Serena?  Are you in fact trying to sell Nabokov to the Yugoslavians?”

“What of it?” she replied.

“And you, Kovic, how can you betray your own father?”

“All he cares about is that stupid dog. He favors Nabokov over me, don’t you father?”

“Well,” Babic hesitated.

“See what I mean?” Kovic said.

“You are a coward.  You would allow this kurva to tell you to commit an atrocity as kidnapping your own father’s dog?  That is unforgivable. And what are you getting out of all this? How much dinars are you getting for my life?” Babic said.

“You just threatened your father’s life, Kovic. That is the reason we value our dogs.  It’s because our sons sell us out. Our dogs are faithful and devoted.  Serena, why did you slay Guy? What has he ever done to you?”

“He tried to stop me from taking Nabokov with his voodoo hex.  It obviously didn’t work. The fool. Now hand over the dog and we will leave here quietly.  If you try anything stupid I will go into Bozic’s room and shoot him like the mongrel that he is.” Serena said.

Radic’s face turned red from high blood pressure.  He looked like he was about to snap.  Even Serena paused for a second. “You will do no such thing or I will kill you with my bare hands, you filthy kurba.” He said between his teeth.

“Get me the dog, Babic,” she said pointing the gun at him.

“I would rather you shoot me dead than give you Nabokov,” Babic said.

A that moment Nabokov slipped out the door and stood in front of his master, hackles raise,and growled at Serena.  She pointed the gun at Babic and cocked the trigger.

At that moment Lenny lunged at Babic and knocked him to the floor as Serena pulled the trigger.  Guy, who wasn’t dead after all, pulled her ankle out from under her and she fell to the floor dropping her gun.  She struggled to reach for it, but Guy kept pulling her back.  Kovic grabbed the gun and pointed it at Serena.

“Lenny, are you alright?” Babic asked him, who was lying on the floor. Radic went to Lenny and felt for a pulse.  He felt a faint pulse. “Lenny’ alive, hvala Bogu!” he exlaimed.

“Yes, thank God, “ Babic said with Lenny’s head on his lap.

“Serena, did you really think I would allow you to kill my father? You think you may have immunity here but not when I send you back to Serbia, you dirty pizda. Radic, why don’t you make a reservation for her at the Fruska Gora Concentration Camp.”

“Yes, she attempted to assassinate my friend, Babic, Prime Minister of Croatia and kidnap the man’s dog. And she threatened the life of little Bozic. Oh, yes, she shot my man, Guy, and an American citizen, Lenny Longwood. That’s a long list of crimes, Serena.  For such atrocities they will not put you to death. They will keep you alive for the rest of your wretched life.”