LAILAH LAND

            Welcome, why don’t you all come in?  Yes, I’m Hummingbird.  Dr. Deustch’s students, right? You’re here to look for him? Did they tell you that he has gone missing? Have a look around. I’ll just wait here where I can finish my painting.  Which door should you enter?  It really doesn’t matter.  They all lead to the same place if you’re lucky

Yes, why don’t you try the purple door.  That’s my favorite.  It’s the magic door.  I have to warn you it can get bumpy but I’m sure you could handle the ride.  You’ll meet Lailah.  She will show you around.  Lailah? She and I are very close.  It's like we can read each other's minds.  As a matter of fact, people mistake us for each other.  She’s the free-spirited one.  I don’t think you’ll need your note pads. You’ll just lose them in there.  Oh, am I talking too fast?  Sorry, it’s a bad habit of mine.  I tend to go off on tangents. My birthday? It’s June 7^th, 1977. As I was saying, did you know you must mystify, mislead and surprise the enemy?  Sun Tsu said this.  Don’t you know about these things?  You mean you never heard of him? The Art of War is of vital importance to the State.  Yes, of, course I know who the president is.  Wait, what’s that guy’s name. it’s Junior.  You know, his father had his own war, too.  Oh divine art of subtlety and secrecy!  Through you we learn to be invisible, through you inaudible and hence we can hold the enemy’s fate in our hands.

  I see your name is Prakeesh. Do you speak Hindi?  Mei tumse pyaar karte hum.   In case you’re Bengali, ami tumaki balubashi.  They have great tea, by the way.  Oh, how cute.  You’re blushing.  Look, Prakeesh is blushing.  Lailah is going to love you.  Did you know that a hard man is good to find?  I’m sorry? What day is it today? It must be Sunday because they’re out there playing bingo.

Of course.  I’m sorry I kept you so long. It was so nice to meet you.  And remember, to avoid temptation you must give into it.  Maybe Lailah can help you find Dr. Deustch.  He couldn’t have gotten past Lailah Land.  Have a good time.

 

        Hi.  You must be Dr. Deustch’s students.  Don’t worry he’s in here somewhere.  He’s just sort of misplaced.  These are my bouncers.  Oh, you can’t hear me? Let me tell them to turn down the music.  It’s bubblegum.  My favorite.  Hey Bruce, turn that s**t down.  We have guests.  And don’t bogart those lines.  Put the 80s back on. These kids need to familiarize themselves with music that was before their time.  So how do I know Hummingbird?  Actually I met her two years ago.  Shy little thing. Very smart, though. And very funny.  Almost as funny as me.  She comes to Lailah Land all the time. And every time we're out together they go after her. When they do catch up to her they do things to her to make me go away.   Okay turn it up Bruce. It’s my favorite song.  I’m bored.  You guys are so boring.  Wanna dance?  Put those lights on Paul and don’t put the green ones on me.  Put the Bond girls on the screen.  Don’t worry I can talk and dance.  Although I prefer not to.
 

     Does all the smoke bother you?  It’s a variety of haze, actually. Some of them are imported from Turkey.  You might not get a contact high. Unless you’re congested.  Although I think Dr. Deustch was extra sensitive.  Now what do you want?  No, I don’t hear voices. The music drowns them out.  Don’t worry.  I wasn’t going to kick you in the face Prakeesh.  I just wanted to show you my kung fu kick.  It goes great with this part of the song.  Is that what Dr. Deustch said I'm flamboyant? I'm so flattered.  No, of course I don’t want to hurt myself.  I like to feel good at least five times in a row. Hold on, I have to see Bruce about a line. 

       Okay I’m back.  Do you like it when I do this, Prakeesh?  Are you ticklish?   Dr. Deustch was.  You don’t want to know where his spot is.  Can you believe he stayed up with me for three days straight?  He started seeing pink elephants, we put them on the screen. Ha ha.  He said the serpent on his coat came to life and was trying to attack him.  I danced on his DSM-IV.    He came at me with the harpoon but he couldn’t catch me.  I can climb walls, you know.  They call me pussycat.  No one was gonna take my Euphoria away.  My guys put him in that cage up there .   That’s usually reserved for Hummingbird.  Isn’t that adorable? We gave her a bird cage to dance in.  Oh, don’t worry about Dr. Deustch.  He’s just sleeping off the haldol-ativan shot.  My guys harpooned him. As I was saying like me, she can dance six hours straight without breathing

      Oh, them. Don’t mind them.  They are my revelers but they’re only human, after all.  They tried everything our procurer had to stay awake, but nothing was potent enough or long-lasting.  Are you okay, Prakeesh?  Stupid hookah.  It was just a matter of time before someone would trip on it.  Hold on.  Don’t talk to me now.  This is my favorite song.  Look they’re waking up now.  Yeay everyone’s dancing!   Is it too loud for you?  Baby in this business you need to suck it up and do your job.  You’re not in geriatrics, you know.  Excuse me while I get into my element.   I think I prefer flesh to paisley.  You don’t have to look at the floor.  I’m only naked.  Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?  Well, you probably haven’t, Prakeesh, so you have even more reason to look at me.  Oh, do you like my stilettos?  Would you like to touch them?  Mikey bring me the doctor’s coat.  My modesty incurs awkwardness among the future psychiatrists of Bellevue.  You like to look at me naked, don’t you Mikey?  Thank you.  Yes, he did a great job, didn’t he?

       What is it you want me to memorize? Okay. Let’s see.  Pencil.  They always say pencil first, right? Ummm…Money…..Shot.  Did I get it right? Of course I did.  Come on. You can have one shot.  No one will know.  You’re in Lailah Land.  I see you all smirking.  That haze smells nice, right?  Hey James bring us a couple stolys. The special ones.  Here’s to Dr. Deutch and his sane return.  Now then, don’t you all feel better?  Yes, it is hot in here.  Why don’t you take your coats off.  Mikey take their coats.  Wouldn’t you like to take a hit of my hookah?  It's apple-flavored.  It’s from Bangladesh. I see you looking at each other. Have some. It's very mild.  There you go. It feels good, doesn’t it?  Why don’t you unbutton some of those buttons, pretty girl?  You’re too sexy to be in a stupid whitecoat.  Prakeesh, don't be shy.  You’re diesel. Lose the shirt.  Please take some more hits.  I insist.  It’s a great song isn’t it?  Let’s all get on my stage...

 

 

 

Welcome. Won’t you come in? Are you here to look for team one? Oh, is Dr. Deustch still missing?

Reviews

[S. D. Forogar]

As usual, my Good and my Bad!

The GOOD: In part, I was quite intrigued with the amount of reference material contained within this piece. The hint of Sun Tsu's famous work and the differing languages lead me to believe that the author is well-read, that she / he understands the impact that such miscellaneous inserts can have on a piece, or at least that she / he finds interest in such miscellany themselves. As well, the "confused jumble" that is this piece is interesting if only to state that it might have had a more descriptive sequel. That said. . . .

The BAD: The "confused jumble" that is this piece. I found it unbelievably annoying, and irredeemable when I concluded the story to discover that it really told not a story at all. As stated above, a sequel that might have revealed just WHAT all of this meant would have been welcome, but I knew that such a thing was not uploaded as of this review; that said, the fact that such a piece was so nonsensical did NOTHING to make me want to continue. It was mildly humorous in the beginning, but the content contained herein is FAR too bland and random to live on that virtue alone.

Because the story is so random, and the narrators (who are undefined, perhaps in an attempt to add to the 'random' nature of the piece) are so very scatter-brained, there's nothing else I can criticize on this piece. The very build of this work cripples ANY character development above and beyond the narrators' simple "oddness" and insane rambling, and we as the audience do not discover ANYTHING about Prakeesh minus insignificant details (such as whether or not she is 'ticklish'). To me, this a good story does not make, as it provides no real reason for an audience to read this content.

As well, since this is basically a "dialogue piece without dialogue," there's no imagery presented above and beyond what someone might describe in speech.

In short, I could not recommend this piece as it stands as of this review.

[Mia Sparrow]

as a matter of fact i was working on some guts to maybe contrive it into some kind of cohesive piece. like as a real book with a hard cover and thicker pages. notthat ebook shitor whatever thatis. the reason forwanting to glean the vignette is that i am working on an autobiographical documentary citing Mania from Onset to Crashng. and us bipolers are manic depressives so hendrix, isn't that just fuckingawesome yo. i am a she, alas....no my name is not helen or Nobody, tis just garden varietyMia Sparrow...how do you get this stupid little box to get big.

[Mia Sparrow]

follow me on instagram @mere.car99

[Meat of Dog]

I like the one-sided narrative that resembles a conversation. It makes you really curious who they’re talking to and what the exact setting of this story is. It pulled me in from the beginning. I also love how ADD the narrator is haha, bouncing back and forth between subjects. It was kind of charming and endearing and gave a sense of personality. In a way it almost felt like one of those animated dialogs in video games, like the development between quests (if that makes sense). It felt like I was Prakeesh and I could imagine descending into this like, Alice in Wonderland mystical place.

The changing, narrating characters were likable and interesting. I have a weird fascination with domestic relationships/ interactions between people and substance psychology so this really rang to me and kept me wanting to learn more about exactly what was going on. Parts made me laugh, like the kung fu kick. After a while I felt a great amount of suspense wanting to meet the doctor! It might sound cheesy but I legitimately think you should write one of those choose your own adventure books in this little universe. It would be awesome.


Suggestions:

“Welcome, why don’t you all come in.” Question mark instead of a period. Same here: “Why don’t you unbutton some of those buttons, pretty girl.”

“it’s Junior” It’s.

This is a bit nitpicky and preference based so you can ignore it but there are a lot of fragment sentences/ responses in this piece.

[Mia Sparrow]

i am so happy that you enjoyed this story. it's supposedly taking place in Hummingbird's mind as she's being interviewed by student psychiatrists. her alter personality is the uninhibited wacky lailah. these psychiatrists get sucked into her mind (which is like alice in wonderland. thanks for noticing.) and experience her manic episode with her. lailah lives in a club where she is in constant euphoria. she drove dr. deusche crazy because he couldn't make her come down. Humminbird aka Lailah drove him out of his mind because she presents with classic bipolar symptoms but he can't touch her. i liked writing this. i always wanted to do a conversational piece from the view point of a psychiatric patient. thanks so much for encouraging me to write a choose your own adventure story. that's brilliant, though i'd have no idea how to approach it.
you're a kind and encouraging reviewer.

[Meat of Dog]

Thank you! I try to encourage (simple opinion stating only helps so much, you know?). Yeah I really did like it and it was cool to get that little bit of back story abut he piece. It filled in the few gaps I was wondering about. I'm glad I read it, it was very unique!

[Gretle]

I get it. Everyone who comes into la la land gets lost. Get's all loopy along with everyone else.read moreI get it. Everyone who comes into la la land gets lost. Get's all loopy along with everyone else.
They keep sending new groups to find the last group and no one ever comes back out.

[Mia Sparrow]

Thank you for getting it. It's good to know that there's someone on this site is astute.

[Mia Sparrow]

good mourning. i would like to hear your feedback about some guts i have about turning Lailah Land into a full on book. and it's sci-fi.

[Mia Sparrow]

oh. and we're all bi-polar...all three of us...interchanging narrators and co-creator.
the periods are deliberate. i do itin text too.

[Mia Sparrow]

follow me on instagram mere.car99

[Surya pradha]

interesting story indeed. thanks for entering it in my contest