so close

so close

A Stage Play by mercy party

you hanged me so my toes were just inches from the floor.
you walk away i hear you say "so close"

© 2018 mercy party


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• you hanged me so my toes were just inches from the floor.

You're posturing for dramatic effect, and it interferes. If you're hanged, does it matter if you're inches from the floor or ten feet? Dead is dead, and the one hanging there, in the moments before death, would not be focused on the distance.

• you walk away i hear you say "so close"

So someone unknown has been abandoned by someone not introduced. For you, who has intent to guide you, the meaning and emotion, is clear. But where is the reader's way in, the hook that will bring the all-important empethetic reaction from them. That's why it's important to edit from the seat of the reader, who knows only what the words have said, as they understand them.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

BBP

6 Years Ago

• you hanged me so my toes were just inches from the floor.

You're posturing for dr.. read more
mercy party

6 Years Ago

JayG. i always do appreciate your take. After reading your reviews i always like to look back and se.. read more



Reviews

Need think more about these words, think they're almost the double edged sword.. but is it 'you' or 'me' holding it? Intriguing, will re.read at a later date to see if i can solve my own perplexed fascination!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much for pondering this. :)
i appreciate it.
I like the idea of the space between a dead man's feet and the ground.
A foot or so between love abd death, love and loss

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

6 Years Ago

Always only on the verge. Thank you Alessander
When I read this I can hear the voice of a woman as she says 'so close' softly under her breath and so for me the story centers around that voice and not that of the man being hanged. I'm reading it as a male / female scene. And if I put myself in her shoes I can see her leaving a man hanging, walking away from a relationship she very nearly got tied up in herself. She almost gave her heart away, so close. And he did, poor fella. So sad. Anyway, I guess I read it a bit differently even though I am sure that is not how it was written. I think it's a really great 'tiny story' for how it can be read any which way but I did not read it as literal death or dying, more the ending of a near relationship.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

6 Years Ago

YOU have such a capacity for gaining deep and accurate understanding. Thank you so much for your tak.. read more
Papaya

6 Years Ago

You're welcome. It was my pleasure. :)
I do like it. Short yet provokes thought.

Posted 6 Years Ago


mercy party

6 Years Ago

thank you.
the suspense your pen vividly captured in these few lines, are succinctly wrought, and is amazing. thanks for the read ~ x

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

6 Years Ago

Thank you, your reading of this is much appreciated. :)
• you hanged me so my toes were just inches from the floor.

You're posturing for dramatic effect, and it interferes. If you're hanged, does it matter if you're inches from the floor or ten feet? Dead is dead, and the one hanging there, in the moments before death, would not be focused on the distance.

• you walk away i hear you say "so close"

So someone unknown has been abandoned by someone not introduced. For you, who has intent to guide you, the meaning and emotion, is clear. But where is the reader's way in, the hook that will bring the all-important empethetic reaction from them. That's why it's important to edit from the seat of the reader, who knows only what the words have said, as they understand them.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

BBP

6 Years Ago

• you hanged me so my toes were just inches from the floor.

You're posturing for dr.. read more
mercy party

6 Years Ago

JayG. i always do appreciate your take. After reading your reviews i always like to look back and se.. read more
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BBP
Getting dark with it lol Now I want to read a story about it.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

6 Years Ago

Someone's got to do it right? Thank you! :)
the pain is there it is very transparent in the poem. Stay strong.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

6 Years Ago

thank you for that sentiment, i appreciate it.

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573 Views
8 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on February 18, 2018
Last Updated on February 18, 2018


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