soon and clean

#9

soon and clean

this will end and you can have your new thing,

we're dead you see

you shouldn't have tipped the scales 

now i'm not worth a double back

just the one who you call your side project.

i'm dead on my feet

empty and finished

played out and run down

wasted and so fed up now

you're fired up, intoxicated

breathless and elated

wild, wired, tumultuous 

and there's nothing left of us

wont you to admit you're in love and what was said in the beginning

what i lived, you're not in tune to it and it seems like you're forgetting

any chance has long passed for the outsiders, the outcasts and me

when the insomniac sleeps with everyone except you

there's nothing that you need to be thinking through.

Reviews

[Octavia]

I especially liked "i'm dead on my feet" and "you're fired up, intoxicated/breathless and elated/wild, wired, tumultuous/ and there's nothing left of us"

That stanza sums up the end of relationship when you see your partner falling for someone else. Gah, that has to hurt so much. Beautiful and relatable.

[mercy party]

thank you. with 3 more poems left in this saga, it is just about summed up, few more run ins and a conclusion. stay tuned and thanks! oh yea..it hurts, oh well

[...]

This is for me like some of blue street song. have mood of sadnes and bitter end. but i like it anyway.

[mercy party]

thanks man and yes thanks for your take

[...]

yes i like it.

[...]

Strong! A ton of emotion/fire. Nice! Starz x

[mercy party]

thanks for saying that, cool it came across that way!

[mercy party]

...the song versions of these i can only hope translate the same fire.

[...]

Cool man.....

[aLittlePain]

A frantic mess of emotion as is often the case when a relationship begins to break down. Nice pen MP! R xo

[mercy party]

Thank you much!

[gypsy scribbler]

a lot of anger... strong poem.

[mercy party]

thank you. to see where the anger ends up, i just posted the next one. Thanks for your time.

[ms. barrie]

i can't help but agree with Farmgirl: this is quite tantalizing, evocative of when relationships start to begin to have large cracks.
i enjoy the lyrical scheme & unique imagery you've incorporated into this write.

wonderfully penned.
thank you for sharing ~ xo

[mercy party]

i do appreciate that. Thank you!

[andrew mitchell]

Such a whirlwind of emotions and questions when uncertainty crosses the line. nice write.

[Sami Khalil]

A relationship that went South. A brokenness of the scales. A much too late of thinking through.
You have conveyed it all marvelously...:)..........

[Kesha]

Read this last night, was too busy to review. But here are my thoughts, finally. I really like this addition might be one of my favorite pieces. Nicely written

[Farmgirl]

Ooooo...

Tantalizing piece! !!

[mercy party]

thank you for that.