soon and clean

#9

soon and clean

this will end and you can have your new thing,

we're dead you see

you shouldn't have tipped the scales 

now i'm not worth a double back

just the one who you call your side project.

i'm dead on my feet

empty and finished

played out and run down

wasted and so fed up now

you're fired up, intoxicated

breathless and elated

wild, wired, tumultuous 

and there's nothing left of us

wont you to admit you're in love and what was said in the beginning

what i lived, you're not in tune to it and it seems like you're forgetting

any chance has long passed for the outsiders, the outcasts and me

when the insomniac sleeps with everyone except you

there's nothing that you need to be thinking through.

Reviews

[Octavia]

I especially liked "i'm dead on my feet" and "you're fired up, intoxicated/breathless and elated/wild, wired, tumultuous/ and there's nothing left of us"

That stanza sums up the end of relationship when you see your partner falling for someone else. Gah, that has to hurt so much. Beautiful and relatable.

[mercy party]

thank you. with 3 more poems left in this saga, it is just about summed up, few more run ins and a conclusion. stay tuned and thanks! oh yea..it hurts, oh well

[Island Hippy]

Aloha, very powerful poem. The pain claws at you it's that good. Your closing lines are masterful wraps it all up with a kick in the guts. Izzy

[mercy party]

thanks for saying. i'm glad it could pronounce clearly and precisely what it was. :)

[Island Hippy]

You're welcome

[Stacy Purvis]

The bad boy never f*cks where his heart lies. 😉
Respect is earned, not given.
Excellent read.

[mercy party]

thank you! :)

[Bluefire]

I love that last stanza the most. though the one above it was a little hard to read but maybe that's just me.
This poem is epic, not like I first thought it would be.
Very well done~!

[mercy party]

Thank you for your critique, i really appreciate it!

[Bluefire]

You're welcome

[Papaya]

MP,

The story develops and feelings continue to spill. Though sad, I am enjoying reading these.

This was an incredible line:

when the insomniac sleeps with everyone except you

This one needs a re-look:

what i lived, you're not it tuned to it and it seems like you're forgetting

[mercy party]

will re-look ( i see it now) and thank you for looking out. so glad you are reading these sad little scenarios! Thank you!

[Papaya]

it's my pleasure to read these sad little scenarios, they make me feel better about my own sad life.

:D Just kidding! (not really kidding)

[natalie]

WOW.....tipping the scales, and there is nothing to be thinking through..Your style is ahead of it"s time...I love it!!

[mercy party]

you are too kind, Thank you

[Ana B.]

the last two lines made me pause, really well said. And yes, one way or the other, we're all dead. A powerful sigh of your mind, dear author, is it a sigh of life or death, i guess everyone decides for themselves. Loved this.

[mercy party]

I thank you for that.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

deep thoughts!
beautiful lines..
"i'm dead on my feet
empty and finished
played out and run down
wasted and so fed up now
you're fired up, intoxicated
breathless and elated
wild, wired, tumultuous
and there's nothing left of us"
kudos!

[mercy party]

thank you very much!

[Bala Gorthi]

The anger and agony that surrounds and gulps us when a relation ends bitterly is uniquely brought out here.
Strong emotions! I must say your wordplay is very unique, every word of it. One can feel it. Very well done mercy party. Thanks for sharing..

[mercy party]

much thanks! so glad you got something out of it.

[reluctantsyren]

I agree with Octavia. Snap snap snap. It hit my heart.

[mercy party]

so glad, and thank you for your time!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"when the insomniac sleeps with everyone except you"
powerful line...powerful poem..

you do this kind of poem so well...no one wants to be a "side project"---

[mercy party]

unless its a band, it's all good, right? Hey thanks for the review. i appreciate your words.