desert exit, CA

#8

desert exit, California

to the old streets of Vienna

i guess i'll see ya when i see ya

i'm gonna let you play your game and walk away 

but this time i wont stop to call

i'll make it passed the city walls

everything that we've been through,

after all this time,

i'm only falling in rank

this wasn't suppose to go where it got to

If you say no,

i wont go so you can

drive straight through horizons and sink

don't be so metallic think it through.

a tragedy was on the edge of town

she sure could close a dive bar down

the two of you must be breathtaking-

Staggering and Shaking, 

you found a place with no time and no gavels

a neon sign above the gravel

residual gas fumes from an empty tank

and i'm falling in rank

and you're falling in love

this wasn't suppose to go where it got to

If you say no,

i wont go so you can

drive straight through horizons and sink

don't be so metallic think it through

its not like you to be so magnetized

by something "deep" and in disguise

by something so cheap you used to despise.

desert exit California

i use to think i did it for you

Reviews

[Papaya]

Best lines:

and i'm falling in rank
and you're falling in love

They seem like simple words but the meaning grabs hold of the heart. When it comes to love we want to be at the top of the totem pole not the bottom or middle. Only the top matters.

[mercy party]

Thank you for your take on that. Your assessment is correct. Glad you read it! : )

[aLittlePain]

This is so good MP, all round I find your writing solid, consistently good.
This actually was vibin a eagles type flow 'New kid in town' type feel, that entire 4th verse just resonates with me! Great stuff my man! R xo

[Diamond]

"drive straight through horizons and sink"
love this line.

desperation and giving up, evident.

[mercy party]

and i thank you.

[Giulia King]

"and i'm falling in rank
and you're falling in love" Good lines!

[mercy party]

thank you much, i do appreciate that!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it's like an Eagles' song in a way...there is that stopping over feeling...that one night love affair, one falls more than just on the bed, the other needs to keep moving on.

nicely done...a couple spots..in second stanza "make it past the city walls" and a couple of apostrophes...

but you really do set a mood in this poem...we feel this place from your words.

[mercy party]

very sound advice. the Eagles had a sort of moving on sound about them in all their songs. very flattered to be mentioned like that. Thanks!

[...]

you know when you sit at lonely bar. and sutendly some stranger tell whole his or her story. and you feel part of it . so this is it completly same . i love it.

[mercy party]

that's cool. Its funny, i'm the only one who didnt stop in at the bar in this whole story, but believe me, the ones who did sure as hell were not lonely. THANKS for checking this one out

[...]

ha ha ha thats good one

[KeithEBaucum]

I like your poem. You are a talented poet.

[mercy party]

thanks, thanks for checking it.

[ms. barrie]

a most compelling piece that indeed evokes a sense of desperation, subtle anxiety, keeps the reader engaged till the end

i enjoyed the lyrical meter and rhyming scheme as well.
thank you for sharing

[mercy party]

much much appreciated! this was #8, the story ends with four more poems. it never resolves it only unravels from here. thanks! stay tuned if you wish.

[ms. barrie]

you're most welcome...i look forward to reading more of your writings:)

[Tony Jordan]

Their preferences have altered but not for the better - in fact it's a self-destructive kind of change. Car crash ahead only they can't see it or don't care if it does end up in an inferno. Just fed up caring.
This had the fast action pace of a Statham movie M.P.

[mercy party]

i like your take on this one. you have a grasp on whats going down,( or who) : ). thanks man! always

[Kesha]

Oh wow, I can feel the desperation in this one "if you say no, I wont go" telling him "Choose me! Me!" But also saying that it's fine if he chooses the other one. Nicely written

[mercy party]

thanks! yea it's for sure along those lines of love and martyrdom. i am glad you felt it.