the gentleman

#7

your mistakes they may be bigger than gods plan 

i thought that i'd be good at it so i ran

maybe i should get away from this whole thing 

and just cut my finger off at the ring

this loss of mine can be good 

just go and ask the crook

now you got the upper-hand

to think that i mistook you for a man

once this girl was so dead set

to go to the banquet

so she went

to the boneyard after dark instead

because this other one was hard-pressed

and broken down to pieces, just a guess

chains that bind to you ,you agreed to sell your soul

the deal is done ,lights dim, pain ushered in now

lost and found and broken bound

and shes shaking the keys in your face just out of reach

down the street you can hear a once good man

trying to make some righteous stand 

so she calls the police.

once this girl was so dead set

to go to the banquet

so she went

to the boneyard after dark instead

because this other one was hard-pressed

and broken down to pieces, just a guess

someday you wont even have the desire to dance

and you'll wish you didn't do all this,.

looking back often, wondering, where's your gentleman?

you left him back at the Sundowner Saloon

abandoned and marooned

and all these years you thought were regal,

well its just evil-

what you do.

Reviews

[Tony Jordan]

I see a girl so desperate not to be left on the shelf that she forgoes her normal checks and balances in terms of intuition and the 'usual' questions one asks oneself regarding people who enter our lives and who are admitted to the level which houses our all.
She paints a rogue as a gent for expediencey and gets married only to really get to know her husband when they are married and to realise that - not that she was fooled - she fooled herself and is willing to do anything to get out of the relationship.
The imagery is dark and foreboding and stark.
Quite the piece, M.P.

[mercy party]

i do always look forward to your take on this. Thanks man! again very on the mark. you always end up leaving me with something to think on.

[A Soap Mess Stories]

...love and woe...well written story....

[mercy party]

Thank you very much.

[ROXANE DORSEY]

very nice. thanks for sharing.

[mercy party]

Thank you for reading, sorry for the very long delay :)

[Island Hippy]

Aloha mp, I enjoyed the storytelling in this piece. Quite dark. Sometimes we dive headlong into relationships and get lost in transit. It's a steep learning curve. Leaves behind a path of destruction. Izzy

[mercy party]

Aloha izzy, thank you and I'm sorry for delayed response , lost in transit I guess.

[APOORVA]

good read
interesting one

[mercy party]

Thank you very much.

[CAPOLAVORO]

I felt like this is a thought of multiple individuals connected into each other. The two sides of the story is well written and the girl is the protagonist. She entered a world wherein she tried to end all confusions knowing the man she will love is broken and only she can make it whole again. She was wrong, she was fooled and now there are images of fighting and suffering. Slowly light became dark. The second set was a turn around for me because this time you used that wonderful stanza again...

"once this girl was so dead set
to go to the banquet
so she went
to the boneyard after dark instead
because this other one was hard-pressed
and broken down to pieces, just a guess"

and end the whole thing in a different way. The girl is in between her conscience and learning.

An art. Well done.

[mercy party]

very awesome take you have on this. You are right in many ways. Thank You much for taking the time! :)

[CAPOLAVORO]

You are welcome. :)

[Papaya]

People get lost along the way and don't know what they want, and when they finally figure it out there are often some casualties of the heart.

[mercy party]

Thanks Flo : ) sadly you are right. I appreciate you
giving your thoughts.

[Papaya]

You're welcome Em Pee.

[Sarissari]

This is really good. I enjoyed the tone of the poem and the emotions. The ending was perfect "abandoned and marooned.

[mercy party]

thank you, glad you enjoyed!

[DookieSmiles]

When I read this I kept thinking of a couple (husband/wife) or maybe even (bf/gf) reaching their breaking points. I feel like there's a lot of hurt between the both of them. Perhaps it's the end. Your awesome man! Loved it!

[mercy party]

hey, thanks for that! i appreciate you saying, helps me stay motivated. The End indeed.

[...]

This have realy beautiful sad touch. Like some bluesgrass song. I can picture all story at your words. Magical and realistic. Have lot of colors and shade. I like it.

[mercy party]

thanks Martin, i appreciate it