love to lose

#2

love to lose

i guess i had a love to lose

one to spare and one to choose

one to hide behind

and one to try to find

i guess i was the one to burn

the one to suffer for the queen

who lit me up, the embers gleam

and even angels cant believe

a heart of stone, a mouth of gin

a rundown town, a harlequin 

strikes a match and begins

i guess i was no match again

i guess i had a love to lose

one to scar and one to bruise

i guess i had a love to write a three chord goodbye song to

and it aint you

once i had a love who said

those days are long over my friend

sadly wise , perhaps it is

i was wrong to imply this

if you stopped i'd take you back

and i don't think that there is anything

so make sure you know that

Reviews

[mou]

a love so simple, gentle warm feelings..sometime get complicated by misfortune. lie,misunderstanding and one sided strong feelings (probably the most painful one)..you have captured a very fine feeling with full of sentiment and emotion..and here your words ignite the heart..just awesome
mou.

[mercy party]

thank you so much mou, for the a really great take on this, i enjoyed the perspective. Thank you!

[mou]

my pleasure :)

[Lovecraft]

Kind of melancholic. Simplistic yet quite profound in its major theme. Have to admit is good. Could use a little bit of editing to make it look better, but otherwise...

'Tis good enough, Sir Paladin!

[mercy party]

thank you for giving it a go. I appreciate the input.

[Lovecraft]

I just think it needs to be polished in terms of using more capital letters and stuff, that's all. ;)

[JUPITER21]

Looks like someone pulled the rug out from under you bud. That is some top notch writing!

[mercy party]

no i fell right through the rug and through the floor. good thing i'm a ghost, it didnt hurt, not at all. Thanks, i've never been called "top-notch" before. hell yea!

[Lorry]

I like the style of this piece MP, not an angst ridden piece by any means, but says so much and more powerfully for its statement "I guess I had a love to lose." That's the thing with love, it never stays the way we remember it. I guess that's meant to keep it interesting, or maybe a distraction into keeping us thinking that love is still a good idea. :)

[aj milton]

I agree with the other reviewers the very effective but understated style highlights the pain.

But for me despite that, there is a hidden message of hope. Love is important. Love may bring loss, but without love nothing much else matters anyway.

[Alessander]

a heart of stone, a mouth of gin
a rundown town, a harlequin

Loved these lines

The betrayal is very poignant - painful, enraging, confusing and all that.

This also strikes me as almost a blues or folk song with the refrain

I guess I had a love to lose

Which reinforces the tragedy in almost a playful way

Good stuff.

[Octavia]

I enjoyed this. I really liked the "i guess i had a love to lose" repeated line - it tied the work together nicely. I also enjoy the lowercase i, as if the incident has damaged the author enough to devalue themeselves, or perhaps they just feel poorly about themself when they think of this situation.

You really made me feel the emotion. Lovely job.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Nice, it read like a song. It's cool! Simple yet poetic. I liked how you kept repeating the title.

"even angles cant believe," great line!!

[Shelly08]

I liked the way the dual ature of love is interpreted. Love is a weird combination of togetherness and loneliness. One wants to be together but also feel the pangs of separation which makes the togetherness sweet. But life is practical, who would like to take such risks, to what extent ;at what cost

[Jane de Deus]

For me the style strikes the perfect balance of phrases that evoke powerful images and feelings without spelling things out.

Love this part:

i guess i had a love to write a three chord goodbye song to
and it aint you

[Farmgirl]

For me


I like the way this character speaks of taking a stand against being replaced by somebody this other thought was greater ... and more interesting ...

That is one thing no individual should ever tolerate or endure .. is lies deception and
Infidelity .. but sadly in society it's become quite the virus and is constantly spreading its disease .. decaying beautiful things ..

Atleast in this poem it's what I received ..

Please feel free to correct me i f need be ...

Here's what I think ...


we as individuals have a uniqueness and if the other fails to see or even grasp that remotely accepting that part of us flaws and all than I agree it's " hit the road jack " your not the one for me !

And patiently continue praying and waiting and believing that one exists out there in a world full of Cheerios ..and rejecting them is necessary !

Because who wants a cheerio personality to click with ...

Obviously not this somebody!

To me this character knows their value
And they are not settling for less than they deserve to receive ...

because they are WORTH more than 10 other cheerios she or he is seeking to find and its the other persons loss for failing to recognize that indifferance that makes somebody that great and irreplacaple..

It's not obselete though ... there is a fruit loop for everybody so to speak lol

There is one that exists who will See and want to continue in that relationship no matter how difficult it may be ...

That is what makes the strongest relationships last ...

Learning to accept the person for who they are .. and to look past everything they are not and could never be ..

I think this is where alot of relationships fall apart and when exploring other options / replacements become the problem . ...

Because nobody

And I mean nobody Is perfect!

And if people spent alot less time focusing on the others flaws

it would be a well balanced harmony between them both and their relationship can and would last forever :-)


;-)