stillness..

there is a certain stillness, when even the gentle flutter o a butterfly wings feels like a hurricane.

the moment when crashing waves fall asleep, peaceful, lost to the serenity of salty dreams.

when tall trees stand to attention and every leaf passes, takes a deep breath and holds it.

it is here, beneath the maddening silence, i hear your name.

an echo of you. screaming to me...an echo the moon carries trying to reach but can not touch.

Reviews

[Tomm Kanti]

Strictly for criticism's sake:

I'm grading this story as a story, not a poem. First off, I know most stories start et media res, and it doesn't really matter how long it is, but in this case, it seems all too unrefined. If it were a poem, I'd understand that it's suppose to be mystic and waning of poetic flare, but it doesn't do it for me. As I reread the story, it doesn't sincerely provide me with a stillness. Instead, it describes the fierceness of a crashing wave, despite it being at peaceful sleep. It's just a scene too powerful to just say it's become stillness. Salty dreams, to me, indicate an unnerving bitterness towards something, instead of something serene. Words like "maddening silence" just doesn't go with stillness, which I considered perhaps this was a poem against the actual title, being ironic to what we normally associate with stillness. Perhaps it was meant to be anti-stillness, but it's the final sentence that tells me something different. "an echo the moon carries trying to reach but can not touch," that seems to pertains to something altogether than what the theme of the whole work is.

Perhaps there are other stories that make sense of this portion.

[Coyote Poetry]

Stillness. Can be a good or bad place. I like the way you define stillness in the story.
"it is here, beneath the maddening silence, i hear your name.
an echo of you. screaming to me...an echo the moon carries trying to reach but can not touch."
The above lines left me with questions. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote