#3: No Problems

In which we find out Redhead's name. In which we find out next to nothing else.

Will, Rob, and they don't have problems

I've spent the past three days almost constantly in the company of Greggie and his band mates, the Velikodanova brothers. Meg just calls them the V brothers. Despite this, I still don't know Redhead's name. I suppose I could call him Velikodanova, but his brother could answer to that too. His older brother ("Only by ten months!" "Eleven!")is named Rob, which pretty much cancels out the possibility of Redhead's name being Bobby. I've heard a couple people call him Anger Issues behind his back. Rob, I mean, not Redhead. It's hard to imagine Redhead frowning, let alone yelling or fighting, or any of the other things that go along with having anger issues. Needless to say, I don't find the whole Anger Issues thing comforting.

Rob and Redhead apparently do everything together. Play on the same hockey team, in the same band, share a room, a locker at school, everything. I barely know my brothers and already I can't stand the idea of spending that much time with either of them. The Velikodanova bros. even shared a shrink after Redhead came out. Or something like that. I can't follow their conversation at all.

“But so, yeah I came out and all the homophobes were like beating on me and and then Rob didn't like that much, y'know all that BS, so and y'know he's pretty big and well, I mean, I am too, but I'm like fat and Rob's like muscley"is that a word? But so he'd like confront the morons, 'specially after they spray painted our locker, I don't know how they even managed to do that, but anyway he got in more anger trouble so-”

"Will, breathe!" Rob half-shouts, half-laughs. Greggie laughs too, which is his major contribution to the conversation. We've both been watching the Velikodanova brothers the same way you'd watch an out of control train. “I love you, but don't wanna do CPR!”

I take a pen out of one of my not-so-deep pockets and write REDHEAD=WILL on my hand. Will pants like he's just run a marathon, grins, then launches back into his story. Condensed, it comes to this: Rob had to see a shrink as part of his anger management program, which he had to take so that the powers that be could be assured that Rob wouldn't injure anymore defenseless jocks. Their parents thought it would be a good idea for Will to talk out his “problems” with some one outside the family. A nice way of saying “Oh, God we can't deal with TWO problem children.”

“But get this!” says the omni-cheerful Will.

“The shrink just said to stop giving you caffeine?” mutters Greggie.

“No! I didn't actually have any problems!” I think Will talks in exclamation points. “I love myself! I'm the most egotistical person you'll ever meet!” At least he can admit it.

"So you guys didn't see the shrink at the same time, did you?" I'm kind of hesitant to give Redhead, sorry, Will another opportunity to talk. Luckily, Rob cuts in before Will can say anything.

"No, we didn't. Any more questions?"

Jeez, I've only asked one. I glare at Rob. Rob glares back. Will, catching onto the bad vibes, starts to explain.

"See-"

"Will! Not your talking time!"

"But-"

"NO!"

"SeeRobishardwiredtoinstantlydistrustpeoplebutoncehegetstoknowyouhe'lllikeyoufinebuthejustcomesoffasanassholeatfir-"

“Who're you calling an a-hole, Will? Just cause I don't love everyone instantly-”

“I LOVE YOU KAREN!” shouts Will, mashing me into a rib-cracking hug. I do not like hugs. They infiltrate my personal space bubble.

“Little brother off. Karen, were you gonna say something?”

The Velikodanova brothers think I'm shy since I haven't said much, but in reality I'm just having trouble getting a word in edgewise with Will's motor mouth. Even though I don't really care that much about my family that might not even be my family"I don't care, do I?"I feel that maybe I should take advantage of the situation and find out about at least my seemingly harmless younger maybe-brother. And Will's already answered my original question, about Rob's unfounded anger towards me.

“Uh, yeah, I was kinda wondering if you guys knew anything about Chris.”

“Chris the drug dealer, or Chris, Curly Michaelson's little brother?” Great. Curly's another maybe-brother. I think I know enough.

“Cause Chris the drug dealer has awful prices and even worse wares. Also, I think his name is spelled with a K."

"WILL!" shouts Rob, "It is MY turn to talk."

"Greggie, Karen, Rob's being mean to me!" Will fake whines.

Greggie turns to me stifling a laugh. “I'm not sure I want to know how Will knows about Chris the drug dealer.” I nod in agreement, also trying not to laugh. How have I lasted the past sixteen years without knowing Rob and Will? And Greggie. Almost forgot him, even though he's sitting right next to me. And he's the only one who's remembered my question.

“So which Chris?”

"Curly Michaelson's brother, definitely. Although, I think that's all I need to know." Greggie looks confused for a moment, then laughs.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. When did you meet Curly?”

“At the hootenanny,” Oh, dang, did I just call it that? “He and Will were looking for tacos.”

“Hootenanny?” says Greggie, “That's a good name for it. I call 'em basement jams. And tacos? That explains why they were arrested at Taco Bell for causing a public disturbance after the...hootenanny.”

“Mom and Dad were not happy about that.” Will says.

“But for once it wasn't me.” Rob adds.

Author's Note

I'm having trouble with an ending for this chapter.