Memoires

There she was. Picture-perfect, beautifully fragile like porcelain paintings and first snow on a cold winter’s night. Sometimes she’s loud, screaming and spitting angry words, blinding me; sometimes she’s silent, whispering winter words, creeping in the corner and waiting until my eyes give up on the light and the sun. 

She doesn’t hunt, though, knowing I’ll visit her eventually. I can’t seem to stay in the light for too long. 

She took me by the hand, leading me into winter-wonder land, where feelings freeze into needlessness, nothingness and colorless, becoming crystal-clear, snow-white and numb. 

I was a double girl, a squared soul, in a double world, summer thoughts drowning in autumn rain. I was the sizzling yellow under my skin, eating away at my insides and shaping a sharp contrast with my shivering soul, making me massive. I was the flaws and the failures, the sting in society’s eyes, imperfect and ordinary.

She was the hollow joy, her skeleton shining through her skin, blinding my eyes like the sun on a snowy morning. She was the walking willpower, perfectly clean inside. She was no and empty and porcelain.

I told her I wanted to go. Leave. I thought it was as simple as opening a bird’s cage; it would fly on its own, without practice. 

Her fingers were frozen to mine as she pulled me back into the snow. I had tried to melt them, but I don’t think I was even sure if I wanted them to. My soul was frozen, hopefully holding on to the hand that holds me down. 

Together we fell. Darkness and sadness and being paper-thin and sorrow and wasting away suddenly seemed to be the most beautiful things on earth.

Her presence spread like an icy wind through my soul, silently shivering me to the core. And the warmer I tried to smile, the colder she became. She emptied my heart, froze my words and swallowed my soul into her perfection.

“You’re not worthy,”
winter whispered.

It’s cold out here.

Author's Note

This is not really a poem, it's more like poetic proze, but I didn't know where to fit it.

Reviews

[Damien Davison]

This is very, very beautifully written, you should be proud of this writing. I really enjoyed the lines
"And the warmer I tried to smile, the colder she became. She emptied my heart, froze my words and swallowed my soul into her perfection."
There were so many parts in this that winter kisses the mind, it was a cold read, but worth it!

[Laura]

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and your compliments! I liked that you said it was a cold read, that's exactly the way I felt when writing it and what I wanted to express :)