It's not

Sometimes it's the finest line.

It's not cheating if

You're not sleeping with her. 

Barely even touching, you find a seat in a restaurant far too busy for a Wednesday evening. 

She's laughing at something and you smile, slipping into a booth, 

wondering what your waiter thinks. 

Does he think you're here together? 

That someone like you would ever have a hope in hell of being with someone like her. 

Does he think the opposite, that she's lucky, 

to date someone so much younger, just starting out in love and life. 

It's not cheating if

She's texting her husband, who jokes about her having an affair. 

But as she says, where would she find the time? 

The twelve hour days are beginning to take their toll but it's not your place to mention it. 

It's not like she would care, just brush it off with a remark about being stressed, 

and old and never finding time to have a proper lunch break. 

And pesky ex-students emailing at all hours of the night because they're stressed about changing their degree.

She'll mean well, you know that. 

Sarcasm seems to be a shield for her as well. 

It's not cheating if

You don't go home with her, 

You remind yourself when after half an hour, you've not even looked at a menu. 

You send the waiter away with a giggle and the thought in your head that you've never done that before. 

Your final choice is totally impractical for the date you're not on, 

but she points it out anyway, going for something equally messy and you laugh, your heart bursts. 

She tuts as you mess around with your order, substituting things, 

Claiming that you never get less difficult, as if she still sees you every day. 

It's not cheating if

You discuss your wedding plans

And what her wedding was like. 

She walked the dog in her gown

While everyone else was drunk

You can't help thinking that if you'd married her, you would have stayed sober to remember every second. 

It's definitely not cheating if you can imagine her 

Watching you exchange vows, a smile on both of your faces. 

It's not cheating if

You get picked up, even if she insists on paying the check, walking you to the car

And wrapping you in her arms

You'll forget the way she smells but you can't forget the way she feels like she might break. 

It's not cheating because she has every idea and none at all

of how this was for you. 

It's not cheating because you have no idea what she's thinking and she can read you like a book. 

And everytime you tell yourself it's not cheating, 

You begin to doubt it a little more. 

But that's ok.