why don't you see like me?

Perhaps i should bleed my words upon the wallThen you might see, and even call

Maybe its you, though it may be me
Cant we wake up from this misery

You cast dark clouds at my feet
Are you hoping i'll retreat

Why dont you see
Yes see like me, then maybe we will both be free

Free to love like others do
Free to love each other too

Reviews

[MomzillaNC]

An aching call for understanding and for love.

I hope it's helpful; I made some suggested copy edits for you below:

Perhaps I should bleed my words upon the wall…
Then, you might see, and even call.

Maybe it's you… though it may be me…
Can't we wake up from this misery?

You cast dark clouds at my feet.
Are you hoping I'll retreat?

Why dont you see… Yes, see like me?
Then maybe we will both be free…

Free to love like others do…
Free to love each other too.

[linear]

Thank you...I do tend to rush...much appreciated

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

We all rush through in an effort to keep up with the flow of inspiration. And, it's often difficult to see the errors we make in our rush. In our minds. we see the lines as they were inspired. In fact, my poem, "Strange," is on that very topic! :D

[MomzillaNC]

See, I just noticed a punctuation error in that last bit: it should have read, "In our minds, we… "

[linear]

Punctuation I leave for those who would edit, seeing as my writing is.....well....kind of hmmm...shall we be honest and say "trashy" it matters little to me, and hardly anyone reads it.

[linear]

Punctuation I leave for those who would edit, seeing as my writing is.....well....kind of hmmm...shall we be honest and say "trashy" it matters little to me, and hardly anyone reads it.

[MomzillaNC]

I wouldn't say it's trashy. Perhaps a little unpolished. But, that's only because it's the first rush of lines. You have the inspiration and the power in your words. The rest is all finesse and that comes naturally, with time -- and reading great literature.

[Wórdsmíth]

The birds fly up beyond the cascades of indigo sky holding an "eternal' breath to freedom so does love. There`s always a truth; a mystery of love I find in your stuffs. Nice imagery.

[lost girl]

I see you and you see me....but alas....we are not who we claim to be....

[linear]

Are we not?

[lost girl]

I wonder in this realm of poetry if we indeed are....could be .....I see so differently than others else where

[linear]

:) that's the way to be....it's all good

[Corset]

beautiful write, more the kind I remember from you, I especially feel those last two lines.

[linear]

So many thanks I give to you...

[Corset]

so many "welcomes" returned. :P