my battle today

surrounded by the four walls feeling as if they are closing in about to crush me like a vice I am starting to panic
I squirm left I squirm right, adjust my body accordingly to try and feel right
I start to get lost from one thought leading into another.
It begins.
I try to distract myself just to be able to function for the day, or even the damn hour, OK maybe the next 5 minutes.
no, I close my eyes. I think of my pretty place, the places I have created for safety
my body starts to take over my mind, slowly drenching my mind.
No, I cannot turn back
I am caught in this moment of unforgiving hatred toward my life toward the questions of why me
tears form as my chest feels as if it is being slowly cracked opened by forceps
now my vision is gone, am I going blind?
s**t, full blown
I have to get this; will I ever be able to function on a daily basis. never to experience this again?
the pain has traveled down my arm, I cannot talk myself out any longer.
I must run, I must. But, I can no longer breath.
I have lost this battle.