two

Thursday, June 29. 2017

On my previous entry I mentioned that Kale was arriving in town for a week. A lot has happened since then.

Yes my readers. As any of you may have guessed (to those who have read my past entries over the last or so years) I have a flipping addiction to this Kale and I indeed met up with him. More than once. Let me explain this.

The first time was when he was in my city and I went to his hotel after my lecture and that was the first time that we ever had sex, if I can call it that. Previously we had always "fooled around" but never took it past that. This time was different. This time we had a hotel room to ourselves. This was the first time we had seen each other in a year and we planned to make it count. What I meant when I said we some-what had sex is this: he put it in for one stroke and then, well, you know what happens. I mean one stroke or 20, it is still sex right?

The second time was just recently, last Friday. I am currently in his city and I went to his house overnight, slept over even (which I surprisingly found unpleasant). We met up and blazed until we were baked out of our minds, went back to his room and hooked up and (thank god to the period heavens) did not have sex. Yes we still fooled around and god did I wish I didn't have my period in that moment, but also that freaking lord I did. I was not about to f**k this guy again.

And then there is tonight, with this new boy I have never written about in this series. Lets call him Dan. I have known Dan since preschool, so that's 15 years this year. We have kept in touch over the years but aren't super close per say, but enough that if I ever needed to talk to someone I know I could rely on him. We dated in grade 7 and he was my first kiss, but it's grade 7 right who knows anything when you're 12? So this guy, I've always had a "soft spot" for him, he's an important guy. So to keep this short, tonight we hung out, he confessed his crush on me up until this freaking day, and we kissed. Well, we basically got undressed and almost had sex BUT didn't due to safety reasons, but in the dark I looked at him and I saw Kale. And I thought about Kale and I kissed Kale and everything I wanted was Kale. 

I think I am just realizing now that I truly am still in love with the THOUGHT of Kale, but no longer him.