twenty eight

Sunday, May 15. 2016

23:04

I hate epiphanies that make me feel guilty.

As I am texting Kale who is in the province beside mine and Facebook chatting Jones who is in another country, I had a realization. What I realized is that, well, one thing I realized is that I am a horny young adult. Besides that, Kale and I are friends with benefits, without the sexual physical relationship. What I mean is, we text each other with questions about each others sexual love lives, and really even our relationships, to help improve each other relationships. We've been doing this for almost a year now and I only realized just now how much we rely on each others opinions on our own relationships. Funny.

Also, Kale and I talk (not directly) dirty to each other too much that I'm sure if Jones or Kale's girlfriend saw our conversations both of us would instantly be single. I disgust myself. On top of that, I just tried to talk dirty with Jones and he completely shut me down, which also makes me think that the reason why I talk dirty with Kale is because Jones won't. He literally won't. I've tried many times before. 

I don't want to talk to Kale anymore. He's unhealthy for me and I know it, but it won't be the first time I cut connections with him. Many times before I deleted his number, blocked him on every social media site, and eventually he would find out and ask my why and I wouldn't give him a straight answer. I'd make up some bullshit lie like, oh sorry I didn't mean to or I was just testing it out and I'd add him back and put his already memorized number back into my phone.

I make myself laugh.

23:17

Now I'm sad and guilty. I know it won't last until the morning though.