sixteen

Monday, February 1. 2016

14:14

The fact that I don't know how to spell February concerns me.

I have been procrastinating so much this weekend. 

Firstly, I have a test tomorrow in Economics that I barely know anything about (go me), but I'll probably go to the library in a couple hours to study. Maybe.

Secondly, I'm supposed to have a project proposal for tomorrow, which I have not started or figured out what I'm doing. 

Thirdly, I'm supposed to be finished this essays for scholarships and bursaries by now but I haven't started those either.

Instead, I'm currently laying in bed on my laptop watching funny Youtube videos of stupid things like cats and failarmy.

22:22

As I have mentioned before, Kale and I have a lot of history.

Our friendship is different then most. After we broke up, we spent some time apart (as most couples do). But eventually, we found ourselves hanging out again, but this time secretly.

In school we would smile at each other and exchange a "Hi" rarely. We both didn't want other people in the school to think something was going on with us again. We attended a very small school.

Shortly after that, we became friends with benefits (without the sex). I would go over to his house after school or his to mine and we would only "please each other" and then leave. We never stayed to talk or watch a movie or even eat like we used to. Strictly only sexual.

When time passed and people at school started to question us sneaking around, we stopped. I wanted people to talk about us, to assume we were back together. I wanted to get back with Kale. I had fallen for him in an entirely new way and I craved his attention. I didn't know if he felt the same way back.

Then we started to sneak out to see each other. First we would meet by the park by his house and lay down beneath the stars and be, well, sexual. At first we would just go right back home, but after this became a continues routine, we would stay together for a while and I would lay in his arms. 

Eventually we moved the location to his house as winter came around and the air got colder. He lived a good 30 minute walk from my house, so you could say I really wanted to see him.

I would sneak into his window and we would actually become friends with benefits. We would cuddle and talk about the night and how I didn't want to go home and how he didn't want me to go. I thought he loved me at that time.

The sneaking around stopped when I got involved with another boy. I dated this other boy for a month before I realized I only wanted Kale. Shortly after my breakup, Kale and I were back in our routine. Until I moved to the city I'm currently in during the year of 2013. He told me not to go, how he would miss me. I loved him so much. I never told him. Plus, we were only friends with benefits right?

When I moved, things got rocky between the two of us. We tried to connect through texting but it was never our thing. We drifted in and out, we both grew into different lives. The summer of 2014, when I was dating Jones, I went back. I've never cheated before until this moment. Kale and I went on a jog together as we were both active, and we found ourselves in the bushes well, doing the usual.

We both stopped and looked at each other with confusion. He knew I was with Jones, I knew this was bad. He apologized and left. That was the last time I saw him.

I wrote him a letter that summer, saying that I love him and I wondered if he ever loved me after we broke up and we went through those couple years sneaking around. I didn't end up giving it to him psychically, but I sent him it over text.

He didn't love me back. In fact, he felt nothing. 

I cried the entire plane ride home.

When I got back home, I immediately told Jones what I have done, and that I loved Kale. Over time he forgave me, which I am very thankful for. It's honestly a miracle he forgave me.

Kale and I are friends now. We'll call once in a while, text once in a while, even try to plan future hangouts. 

What made me write this all out is because I was on Facebook and I got a friend request from Kale. I remember a while ago I deleted him off of all social medias (last August) because we got into a ridiculous fight when he was drunk. 

I don't think i'll accept it. Why does he even bother to friend request me now though? Why was he looking at my profile?