White Sails

Last night, I realized the extent

                of our separation,

once merely a partition out of modesty;

                now a vast channel

comes between the different continents

                we've always inhabited.

Wrath upheaves the waters already frigid---

                from it I won't emerge alive.

 

 

You wait for me to take the boat to you,

claiming it is gentler on your side

but surely you recall how nauseous I become,

unable to find an equilibrium on choppy waves.

How can you be so cruel as to expect me to suffer?

 

 

Your anger bruises the skies,

the force of the winds cause a thousand

lashes across my face. The uproar

within my ears must be you howling.

I scream back that you are pitiless.

 

 

The maps I once followed lead me astray,

the compass spins madness,

each star that might have guided a way

is snuffed by an encompassing darkness.

 

 

It's time for me to do the waiting,

for your white sails to appear on the horizon

but if it isn't reconciliation you offer

then let them be black and I too---

                shall take the plunge.

 

 

Visit the city I reside, you imagined paved with gold.

See that there are shadows as well as rot;

the riches you claim hoarded, rest at the depths

from each crossing---the burden capsized.

I was doomed to wash ashore alone---

                    you never seemed to mind.

 

Come to me and I will show you

our laughter stowed within myriad shells from better times;

the gold which speckles only the shore,

as we lay upon the sand--- mending what is torn.

Reviews

[A.T.B.]

Your use of symbology is excellent. The narrator is pessimistic or maybe just pragmatic - from it I won't emerge alive. But the ending of the poem bears hope - mending what is torn. I like how you convey the emotions associated with separation. I wrote a poem - THE PASSING ANGEL - in which I tried to have the narrator express those feelings. Your poem is brilliant; its flow is flawless. Bravo.

[Emilia]

I think stylistically, this poem is strong. There is a bit of a turn at the end with "mending what is torn." This poem is abstract and doesn't ground the reader, except with the images of the boat. But the boat is highly metaphorical and is lost because it isn't rooted in something real, the real thing that is going on with this piece.

[Casanova]

wow...this was a joy to read-such a pleasure for the senses-thank you for writing this

[Eponine Roy]

this poem tugged at my heart. the metaphors were excellent and i could see the stormy seas of a tearing relationship unfold in front of me as i read. fantastic work- and i hope things fare better for the relationship that's in such murky waters.

[Barry S. Maltese]

Nice work. I can see your delema clearly. You expect quid-pro-quo. I agree, he should also make the effort. I must admit, though, I do not know the whole story. Yet, if this does not get resolved, it can mean an end to what you have with each other. I hope that your love for each other is stronger than the distance.
As for your writing ability, you did a great job. I like the imagry that you use - like when you describe his anger, and other aspects of your relationship with such wonderful pictures. You have obvious talent, for this is great evidence of it.

[B. Lapinski]

beautiful poem...great writing and seperation..very fluid ...i snap my fingers..cheers

[The Random Writings Of ..]

Wow!!! What a beautiful and amazing piece.

Your anger bruises the skies,

the force of the winds cause a thousand

lashes across my face. The uproar

within my ears must be you howling.

I scream back that you are pitiless.

Such anger you get across here, such hatred.
This is a powerful piece and one that I can relate to. When I said beautiful, I mean your words. You have a way with them that is incredible.
Amazing write.
Kates

[I Quit The Cafe For Awh..]

God damn girl, that is amazing!

[Crazy Cat Man]

great piece