Driving

 

Hey, you know, we are so real it blows me away. You are so here it makes me feel numb inside. Drive...away. We'll get farther and we can't care, we don't care. Be quiet and tell me that it's never going to end, not today, not tomorrow. We'll drive away into this mess that we love. Just drive, and it doesn't matter where as long as it's far, far away and I'm with you.

You mean the world to me, but things always seem to fade quickly these days. It's falling away and it deserves something. Memories. Reserved in the mind in the back seat. You gave it away too quickly.

Regret is nothing. It's something I won't feel. I just need to live now, and regret never. I just need to feel like this life is living. These hands are feeling. These eyes are seeing.

Too late, it left on the last train. Watching the clouds go through the grass. Dark, dreary nightmare on the edge of consciousness. It's all you need. Too late, it's miles away and you're not seeing the way.

Photographs are here to remind me of the way you left the others, and your eyes are so empty it makes me question what I ever saw in them in the first place. Just drive. It's just me.

We'll scale further down this highway hoping that you'll pull this gun away from my head. Holding me here only makes you feel better for awhile. You'll have to end it sooner or later. You'll have to pull it sooner or later. It's 52 mm of cold steel at your fingertips. Caressing your hand. I'm only begging for you to stop. Let me stop. Stop moving. Stop driving me into walls.

Too late, I stopped you. I ran my hands into your mind and pulled out what you thought you could pull off. Tugging you, pulling you, it's what I want today, but tomorrow. You always had the best songs to play me. To keep me entertained while you strung me out onto the ledge. While you laughed and made me feel welcome. Made me feel something that I didn't think came from anywhere.

You can't feel the difference, would anything make a difference? Breaking through the telephone while pulling the line. Suffocating the nameless. Drop dead. Drop down, we can't. Problems make it easier. So just keep driving, faster, as I feel you finger hold the gun tighter, it comes closer to the trigger. Closer to the end. And it's almost like I can feel myself dying without being gone yet.

It's just that I know what is going to happen, as my foot pushes down on the gas. As my hands grip the steering wheel. So tight, my knuckles turn white.

Turning a sharp corner, it's my only resort. To take myself with the one I loved. I have the right. I have the best reason in the world to take you with me. I won't go down alone, not with you holding this to my face, shivering at the thought of going through your desired actions. Nothing could be worse than this.

Pull over, we've got to go. But I can't. And I can't. I'll keep driving straight into this. What started as a dream has quickly become a nightmare. A bullet is waiting for me on the other end.

I think I'm ready. I think I can face this. I can drive off of this cliff with you beside me. Holding my hand with a trigger to your advantage. Innocence isn't real, and I can't talk to this machine.

I'm over the edge, flying through the air. We're together now. In the ground.

 six feet under reality.