When She is Atop

I tried creating more dark poem all while intertwining human and animal characteristics.

She looks into my eyes

Speaking with her soul,

Not a sound is whispered

But our conversation is captured,

A mold.
Brushing back my hair, 

Sliding her hand from my cheek
To my neck,

Then my shoulders
And that's when I know.
I stand my ground 

As she firmly grips

The hind of my neck,

And jumps aboard.
I get restless

When she is atop 

I cant wait to embark,

But I don't make any moves
Till she gives me the signal,
Begin!
She kicks my ribs

And I dash through the darkness,

Using the moon
As a lead rope
And the grass
As a harness.
My hooves, flinging dirt,

Behind and side to side,

Create a drum roll of anticipation

Our destination: She will decide.
Smells of wild mint

Manure 

And a newborn fox
Dissolve inside me,
I gasp for air 
And fix my ears on
Her
While branches and bushes 
Flirtingly cut me.
I cant see much,

Just shadows and outlines
Of creatures around me,

But with her riding 

Kicking and hissing,

My senses are 
Hightened,
I'm mighty!
Then out of nowhere 
My head is swarming with gnats
And I come to an abrupt
Halt, 

Oops!
She definitely felt that. 
She fell forward
And I was in deep combat
Behind,
With gnats that buzzed
Putting spells on my mind.
Its funny how she trusted me
A giant
Nearly blind,

But then she stood
Kicked the ground
calmed me down
And cleared my mind.
Her eyes flickered red

Then black
And she leaped once again
Atop my back.
This ride was different,
I could hear it in her teeth
I could sense it in her clenched feet,
Not even she could see a finish line

Not even she had a sense of time.

This ride 
Was neither hers
Nor mine...

Author's Note

I tried writing something different with this poem... I was feeling adventurous and a bit tired of writing the same ol' "love" poetry that I had in the past, but I'm not quite sure how I feel about his poem. What do y'all think?

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Great concept...personifying the "horse". The girl who is riding is really secondary to the animal, who has all of the feelings and emotions; being a horse lover/owner I can really relate to this one. Funny, you mentioned the double meanings. I wrote a piece called "Dedication" about riding my horse in the morning, and everyone thought I was writing about the other kind of "riding" that is sometimes done...well, you get the picture.

Great imagery and nice word choice. Really enjoyed this one.

[Meliss@k]

Yes, things can be misinterpreted on writerscafe pretty easily. I wrote a poem an said that I ended up "sleeping with a man" and a reviewer took at as me sleeping WITH a man, lol he commented and said "the loss of innocence from sex is very present in your write" but I didn't bother correcting him because it was easily understood as to why he made the assumption ;)

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Brilliant imagery and great transitions!

[Meliss@k]

Thank you so much :)

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Very nice,it got my attention stait away :)

[Meliss@k]

Thank you so much Carl!

[iliOZ]

hi melissa. brave leap, yet it is still you, the inner-you. it is the one we (mostly) try not to visit.

[Meliss@k]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I'm so curious to see what others have to say too! thank you such. :)