Blame Me

When me and one of my past boyfriends broke up, I sent this poem out of hurt.

I shouldn’t have said yes.
I shouldn’t have said hello.
I shouldn’t have sat by that fire as we roasted marsh mellows.
We should have stepped back.
We should have slowed down.
We should have stayed content with the friendship we found.

I said “No”
You said “Yes”
I said “It’s for the best”
You said “Let’s give it a test”
We stepped forward.
We sped up.
We wanted to find something more, to fill our cup.
Then you said “I love you”
Then I said it too.
You said you were going to marry me one day.
You wanted to share a bed, where you and I would lay.
I said I was going to marry you one day too, but
I said I would wait till marriage to sleep next to you.

 

We would hang out ‘till late at night.
We would laugh and play.
We ended up lying by each other, even till the very next day.
I stayed pure and you respected me,
I appreciated that, how well you said that my wishes were free to be.

I thought we were real.
You hadn’t had this before.
I hadn’t either.
I was head over heels.
You said I would be hard to beat.
Then it began, the reality of a brain.
We began to ask questions. Oh… it’s a shame.

I asked if you would be able to spiritually encourage me throughout our relationship.

You said “my family becomes more spiritual through marriage, Dear”… but that wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear.
You asked if I would be able to live with you, stranded at sea.

I said yes to you, but under one condition: that I be stranded in a desert full of snakes … my greatest fear. You assured me that I’d be safe; you’d take care of me. You also opened up to me more by sharing “loosing someone you love was your own greatest fear.” And I tried to comfort you as I held you near.
We should have opened our eyes.
To ourselves we should have been more honest.
We should have stopped with the silly “what if’s” that crept upon us.

 

You shouldn’t have asked.
I shouldn’t have said Yes.
We shouldn’t have gotten into this love struck mess.
You told me you checked a girl out.
I told you I appreciated your honesty.
You apologized for your mistake.
I appreciated your acknowledgment of wrong, but I fearfully began to shake.
From that moment on,
I knew
We were through.
My world turned blue…
You apologized again, but I had been down this road in my past,
I wasn’t going to re-live it. The first time was my last.
I told you I’d call that night,
and I did.
You answered.
You asked what I had done that day.
I finished saying everything, and then asked you the same.
You replied back summarizing your day
and then asked if your mistake had impacted me in any way.
“I’m going to be honest”
(you said, “okay”)
“I don’t mean to overreact, but checking other girls out is not okay. I don’t agree with what many people say… ‘if you don’t touch, it’s okay to look.’ ”
Where on earth does it say that in our Holy Book?
We have tried this out, it’s been over a month, but if God isn't being put first, we need to take two steps back, 
and into our own lives we should look.

 
I’m sorry for not warning you.
I’m sorry for the shock.
I’m sorry for my bucket list and the “couples lock”
I’m sorry for giving you my heart, and I’m sorry for having to walk away.
I’m sorry that you’re moving on so quickly, as if our relationship was a game… just for play… something you could easily throw away.
I’m sorry for hurting you.
I also wish you'd ask if I’m hurting …
Yes.
I am, hurting too.

 

I’m sorry for writing this poem,
I’m probably going to regret this later.
I’m sorry for saying “I’m sorry” so much… I know, I know! I’m digging a hole that is only becoming greater.

I wanted to keep talking to you, that’s what a true friend would do. I wanted you to make sure I’m still doing okay, as I would do the same for you…
isn’t that what a true friend should do?...

If you want time, then take it. Take as long as you’d like, but I hope you know and understand that you said you “love” me. People who love each other don’t treat others the way you are treating me.
… by that I mean “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I ended up having to turn away, But I’m not sorry for being honest, because that’s what we’ve wanted each other to be along the way. As a result, I’m not sorry for saying that I Love You because I meant it each and every day, and if you honestly meant it I hope you know that people don’t normally just throw love away.”

I tried to put this poem in a very civil way and I hope
I will be your friend again, when you’re ready, one day. And since you’re moving on so quickly I wish you the best of luck and pray you don’t make this same mistake again ... cuz it’s stinkin’ rough.

Reviews

[Mr. D]

The heart wants what it wants, and when it doesn't get what it wants, it pouts. That pouting comes in the form of wanting what you can't have, not being satisfied with what you do have, and yearning for what you don't need.

Let me say, you normally won't get what you want in life, but eliminating wants is almost impossible, isn't it? If wants were something that were able to be eliminated, I'd eliminate all of mine on the spot.

It is common to want what you can't have, to not want what you have, and to not be satisfied with what you do get. Just don't let it destroy you.

[Eagle Cruagh]

You seem to be blaming love (sex) for the
collapse of your relationship.
The human personality is a most complex quality.
I make no apology for sex in a relationship, but
that does not seem to be the problem here.
I think the two involved were simply at a different
level of development. The boy was probably a little
slower and not able to handle the situation.
The love affair resulted in a vivid poem in which the
two positions were illustrated very well.
Good luck and God bless
----- Eagle Cruagh

[Mr. D]

Sorry, bro, but sex isn't love. If you think it is, you're mistaken. Sex can't save a relationship anymore than a child can.

[Sourodip]

Simple and honest......

[NathanBlackie]

wow... just wow.

[Meliss@k]

just out of curiosity:
wow as in "man, that was a lot to take in at once"
or wow as in
"i feel hurt along with the writer"
......
please (i'm curious) do your best to explain. :)
"

[NathanBlackie]

wow as in the second one, it is a really good story, that gets the emotions across really well. i really liked the poem and am pretty speechless about it

[Meliss@k]

oooh okay. :) thanks!

[Emrick]

So sad.

[Meliss@k]

wow, you read the whole thing! true dedication! :) sorry it was so long.

[Emrick]

yes it was long but i read all that coz it relates to me.I have been in that situation too. .

[Meliss@k]

i'm sorry that you related to this, yet it gives me hope that we are never alone in what trials this world gives us.