3.

The water wrapped me up in a vain attempt to comfort me. Even though the my skin was on the verge of being burned by the bath water, I still managed to feel cold.

I hadn't felt warm since I saw Nettie in the casket. I touched her cheek. It was frozen.

The chill spread from my finger tips and hadn't left me since.

Bianca insisted that if I was going to take a bath, she would be checking on me every ten minutes from the moment my toes sunk in the water to the moment I reopened the bathroom door, which she demanded I keep cracked anyway so there wasn't a chance I could lock it..

By the time I was submerged, I had nine minutes and thirty-seven seconds. I waited until I had nine minutes left to take the rubber bands out of my hair and pull out the razor blade that was tucked in my ponytail.

For some reason, I felt like laughing. She placed me on suicide watch a few days ago. Stephen's social worker friend paid us a visit and expressed a deep concern over my lacking appetite and deep desire to spend time on the roof.

I used to sit with Nettie on the roof all the time and- no. I had to focus on the numbers. Nothing else. 

She had no actual proof that my plan was to jump, but Bianca chose to err on the side of caution.

Before I closed the bathroom door ("with a three-finger space between the door and the frame, do you understand?") she checked all the pockets of my robe and shook out my towel. Her security check was good, but my planning was better.

The mental picture of her running a metal detector over me made me want to giggle in a sick way. Probably because I knew she would do it if she had the money to get one.

I had practiced counting perfectly in time with the second hand of my clock in my bedroom and thought I was doing a pretty good job of not losing track. Maybe my thoughts had distracted me a little. I rounded my time left down to eight minutes just to be safe.

In a sick way, the razor looked kind of pretty in the light.

I first pressed the edge of the blade into my skin and made a line parallel to the bone.

Press, drag, repeat.  Eighteen times; one for each day since she left me.

I switched hands and began again.

Press, drag, repeat.

Press, drag, repeat.

Press, drag, repeat.

Press, drag, repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat,

Repeat.

It became a frenzy. I switched hands; back and forth, back and forth. I couldn't keep track of time anymore.

Repeat.

One for every hour she was gone.

Repeat.

Maybe every minute.

Repeat.

Seconds, even...

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

I was going to lose my mind. The biting sensation was driving me mad. 

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

It was intoxicating. With every drag I craved another. 

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

My blood was slowly permeated the water..

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

My mind detached from the rest of me. I watched my body tremble as the razor went wild. My skin was scarlet from the elbow down.

I wondered briefly where this would take me. Surely someone like Nettie couldn't just cease to be. There had to be an afterlife. A heaven, like the priest said. 

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

I wondered if people gain admittance to Heaven after committing such sin.

Sin.

Sin. 

Sin.

I wondered if God makes exceptions..

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

"Hey, Emiline? Dinner is on the table, sweetie, so bath time is-"

A scream.

Blood.

Darkness.