Old friend

A Story by mel

to Luke

I'm writing from a place of deep regret and a little silly remembrance of the good, because there was so much good. Too much good, perhaps. I so wish we could take back the night that destroyed us. I was high on amphetamines and flirting with a vodka black out. I was such a mess. That's me in active addiction. I do apologize that you had to see me that way. Today I'm 100 days sober.

There's so much I would just love to fill you in on. Like when I left Courtney for my first love, in March. Completely moved out and moved back in a week later. All in sobriety. I had a lot of time to think in rehab, my most recent visit. I thought the grass was greener on the other side, but have since learned the grass is greener where you water it.

I miss you terribly. I miss having a friend to share my life with. All the simple moments. I'm too afraid to ask Court if we can talk again, because you know she read our text messages and yes indeed, we were far too emotionally involved with one another. We have a connection from a place I do not know. We really do. Oh, sigh.

So in other news, I do have a new job. The restaurant COMPLETELY shut down. I searched and searched and applied and applied at all these different psychiatric hospitals for a position as a mental health technician (the techs in rehab, remember? but in a psych ward) So anyways, I finally landed the job after pouring my heart into many applications. My title is a psychiatric care specialist. This is my dream. I can not tell you, the many times I've been hospitalized, at rock bottom, so broken, suicidal, hopeless, just wishing and praying I could be the person on the other side. Well, this is it. This is my opportunity to make a difference. This is what my life has been building up to. I feel like, finally, this is what I've prayed for.

Wow. I wish you could be a part of my celebration. I know you would be so proud. I genuinely hope you are doing well and staying active and off the sauce. I would do anything, trade anything, to take back the night to have my friend by my side through this journey of life. My oh my.

Remember, I love you so much I want to break your knee caps with a baseball bat. Thinking of you, Melina