Neon Vagaries

Neon Vagaries

A Poem by Amelie

I lie awake, breathing in sultry air
a teapot’s breath we’ll gladly share

My chest escalating to reach the fathomless ceiling
whilst our hands tied to a knot, trembling

My lips are sore, caving in for delight
 as your eyes exclaimed to white

I lie awake, breathing in sultry air
My chest escalating to reach the fathomless ceiling
 lips are sore, caving in for your stare


 As your eyes exclaimed to see me breaking*

© 2012 Amelie


Author's Note

Amelie
Oh I kinda forgot to note on how this poem works. The italicized lines are clues to the juxtaposition of events. I hope that'll be figured out. :)

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Very sexy and sultry, but it may be speaking of too much overwhelming intensity eluded to in "see me breaking", or could be a surrender to bliss.

It may be my screen but I can't tell which words are italicized.

I love your style and want to read more of your work.

Revery

PS your dark dark eyes are absolutely captivating.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I read over this so fast the first time that I had no idea what it meant. Then I went back and realized how fantastically sensual it was. Nice work.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Amelie

12 Years Ago

I often get that from the readers in this poem, especially when the italicized parts aren't italiciz.. read more
At first this reads like a collaboration of thoughts between two lovers. But when I read only the italicized lines, they have a feeling of solitude, perhaps while lying next to your lover after a passionate exchange. The normal lines have a feeling of togetherness, and carnal. The last line seems to bring it all together, like it is meant to be the last line for both parts. I like how Revery said that it "could be a surrender to bliss" which is what I was thinking. All of this makes for a fantastic poem.

Posted 12 Years Ago


An enjoyable, sesnual evolution of events. I like the structure and form very much.

Posted 12 Years Ago


i like the set up of this write

Posted 12 Years Ago


A nice write.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Fantastic writing. "My chest escalating to reach the fathomless ceiling" - absolutely amazing! Visual imagery is great....lovely poem!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very sexy and sultry, but it may be speaking of too much overwhelming intensity eluded to in "see me breaking", or could be a surrender to bliss.

It may be my screen but I can't tell which words are italicized.

I love your style and want to read more of your work.

Revery

PS your dark dark eyes are absolutely captivating.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is very visual and i aint sure i'm old enough to be reading it, but it was very nice and free flowing.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like "teapot's breath" both visual and textile. I'd change the tense of "caving" to 'caved' and "exclaimed" to 'exclaim' and then take out the following "a". Just suggestions. Also, no need for the repeated last stanza... as for the last line, I'd take that out too. I really like it ending on that great image of 'eyes exclaim to white'. Dangit--I really like it--wish I had written it lol

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow I really loved this it was super detailed. It wasn't like you slapped in our face what happened, but described it by first person actions. I really liked that. Congratz on a fabulous poem. The ending was a phenomenon.
-Courage

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

534 Views
11 Reviews
Rating
Added on June 11, 2012
Last Updated on September 23, 2012
Tags: sensual, poetry

Author

Amelie
Amelie

Memoryhouse , Philippines



About
Call me Mel. I'm a kaleidoscope of sorts. Create a playlist at MixPod.com more..

Writing
Blackhole Blackhole

A Poem by Amelie


Kara Kara

A Poem by Amelie



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Succubus Succubus

A Poem by Muse


Darkened Soul Darkened Soul

A Chapter by Pax