From the outside

just being a nobody

 

 

Nobody knows my story

nobody knows my name

nobody knows my feelings

nobody knows my name

 

I know most of the people

I look in from outside

I see the way they laugh and act

I look in from outside

 

I do as I please

I'm invisible

No one can catch me

I'm invisible

 

I'll apear one day

you will see me shine

I'll show you I exist

you will see me shine

 

I won't be invisible anymore

you would see me

I won't be on the outside anymors

you would see me

 

Untill then nobody knows my story

nobody knows my name

nobody knows my feelings

nobody knows my name

 

 

Reviews

[Gaurav Walia]

This piece moved me..Nicely presented..

[Adri Moolman]

thank you.......................

[Simon Welsh]

We all exist and we all matter. Don't worry about it. 100/100.

[Adri Moolman]

thank you...................

[Baby Ricochet]

This is really good emotional impact wise. Everyone has felt this way before. Outstanding work.

[Adri Moolman]

thanks

[Olivia]

This is a beautiful piece I like the repetition and I think that it brings out the clear message of the poem :)

[Adri Moolman]

thank u

[Keith LaFountaine]

Good poem, lots of emotion. The repetition doesn't really work for me, perhaps because, even though it adds a rhythm to the poem, it gets distracting after the first few times. I'd go through and edit it a little bit, because a little repetition is fine. Otherwise, good stuff! Keep it up!

[Adri Moolman]

thanks

[Ency Bearis]

Nice poem.
But, I can't comprehend with excist and untill - maybe you mean - exist and until....

[Adri Moolman]

thx

[smilempsn]

Its difficult to make ourselves visible.... when we have gone into invisible cloak...
Beautiful and heartfelt words..

[Adri Moolman]

thank u

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

A sad place to be...invisible to the world. I have felt this way before. I have been in a crowded room talking to multiple people at one time and still felt completely invisible to them; it's a surreal experience.

Personally, I was not as huge of a fan of the repetitions as some of the other reviewers. I found them to be slightly distracting. I would be reading along, and suddenly I was pulled backwards, then forward, then backwards. It made things feel a little choppy to me. It's a stylistic thing; completely your choice, though.

Overall, the idea was powerful and the wording, and phrasing was good, but for me the flow was just a little off.

[Graveyardfuck]

I love the repitition of this write. It's a beautiful piece.

[Adri Moolman]

thank u

[quinfinn]

this is really nice. the repetition of the B lines is powerful and effective. most assuredly one of your stronger writes. well done. Adri !!

[Adri Moolman]

thanks a lot

[quinfinn]

you are always welcome here, Adri