title

thought vomit

I feel nothing
nothing but endless agony
the type of agony that keeps you up at night
the type of pain that when you close your eyes you see nothing but the mistakes you've done the faces you hurt
you learn to stop sleeping for fear of the voices the screams
nothing in life is worth anything
you are a product being sold to the lowest bidder
as you hold on to the last thread of being loved but you know it'll never happen
so you pretend to care and love
as you long for warmth you'll feel it with his hands but then they leave when it's over never again you swear
but you know it's not true
so you drink away the pain
you drink to forget
you drink to remember
you drink just to feel again
but it never works the sweet burn of cold clear hope fades
so you take another sip
and another
until you stop feeling
hoping this ends soon
falling into the darkness
begging for release
but you get up in the morning
staring at the white ceiling
cheeks wet lips quivering
screams ripping from your throat
like the last time
the reason why you drank away the pain
you are worthless
and nothing
drink some more and it'll help
it never does
you sit at the table begging for it to end
just end it yourself
just f*****g end it
I want to
just like a flame one move and it's over
one step and you're free
one more breath to fade away
it'll all be over
smile for the last time as you finally fall