chapter 1

 Chapter 1                                                                                                                     The warm water rush's across my skin as I walk into the water. I was happy and thought nothing could bring me down, but my cell phone rang up on shore and I had a bad feeling in my gut. I got out of the water picking up my towel answering my phone. "H-hello?" heavy breathing responded to me. "Who is th-this?" I asked shaking.

"Yes hello I am Dr. Hendrickson, I have some bad news..." My stomach started hurting. "It's about you mother and father. We had gotten a call from there number and rushed a police over as fast as we could." 

"The p-point please?" I said feeling unsteady and scared.

"They had a break in and you father tryed to defend themselves but there where to many robers to fight off. Both your mother and father where shot to death." my mouth dropped open and I dropped my phone running up to my car. I can here a buzzing noise in my ears that gives me a headache, mom and dad are dead? Tears falling like raindrops from my eyes as I do eighty-six on the highway. I left all my stuff at the beach in the care of my friends, counting on them to watch it, and I placed it in my mind that I would call Isabel later.

                I arrived at my house, parking a block down because of the cop cars, fire trucks, ,Parmenides, and the news people. I ran past them, pushing everyone out of my way. I stop mid sprint covering my mouth, feeling like i was going to faint. "Oh god." I say crying. My mom and dad are on a black colored body bag ready to be taken to the hospital. I drop down to my knees sobbing into my hands. "Mom." and hand touched my shoulder an do flinched. "Sorry ma'am but we need to take care of them." I got up slowlym embracing every inch of there face because I knew I would never see them again. 

           I was traded off to different cops as some tred to comfort me, some just didn't talk not knowing what to say. I sttod there like a zombie thinking of nothing, but one thing and that was that I didn't want to sleep at my house, it wasn't safe. A cops phone went off handing it to me, I answerd unliveing like. "Hello?" 

"Hey I heard the new's, want to come over, spend the night?" isabel said. 

"Yeah, I'll be over in a couple hours I have to get some stuff then go to the hospital. Grab my stuff from the beach please." 

"Yes, talk to you later." I gave the phone back to the cop as I got in the front driving off to the hospital. I'll go back for my stuff latter tonight, in the company of a police escort. So i sat there staring out the window, trying to keep myself from tears but I couldn't. Nothing I or the cops said helped me.

             AT THE HOSpital i sat in the waiting room for them to tell me they had put my parents into the freezer, which made everything feel even more worse. I told sharif Roberson i didn't want to go home alone, he came with, helping me pack the things i needed most and drove me over to Isabel's....

              

Reviews

[Riding the Rainbow]

Really like the plot..Can't wait for more..

[RainDancer1997]

This was a good beginning:) Had some great conflict in there. Emotional also. Good job:)

[Falling Leaf.]

I would agree as far as letting it get edited by Microsoft Word. You said to ignore grammar so I will, but some advice: having grammar issues in your titles is very unappealing. At least fix the problem in your title. You also switch from present tense to past tense a few times. Other than that, I'll be interested to see where it's going.

[axel]

it is a good story ,but please pass it through microsoft word grammar corrections ,cheers

[Monica]

I like the story line, It's going to make a great story :)
As with any write, editing is always needed. There are some grammar problems...punctuation, spelling, and word usage. But overall you are doing great! Keep it up!!

[Angelove]

Closer to the end the cap lock goes on...sorry about that....