Heathens

Read at your own risk.

Time stood still, breathes found on empty promises. "I love you" was not replaced with an I love you back. Help. I lost my way. He's not here. He's not with me. What should I do? Breath, it's okay. He'll say it back, just give him a minute. One, two, three. Silence. 

"Are you okay?" he said nothing as he lay quietly next to me. It felt like a magical moment, cause I've wanted this for so long. Yet, he wasn't there. I woke up. His touch was nowhere to be found, he was gone. He was never really there, only a figment of my imagination. A tear slipped from my eye. "Wake up!" I screamed to myself yet, I was nowhere to be found. WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
 Finally I opened my eyes, my breath caught in my chest. Police sirens whaled in the distance. 
"It's okay." I said to myself. "One day he really will be here." I turned to my side, tears escaping like hot flames, one after the other. 
"to be touched is to be loved." I said aloud. 
 WAKE UP! 
Finally I caught my breath, I awoke, to real life this time. What's wrong with me? Nothing. I just long for a touch that'll never be mine. Should I go back to sleep? Should I stay awake? 
 No, just stay present. Breath. One. Two. Three. 

I sigh, restlessly turning onto my back, will I ever dream of a man who isn't there? Yes, but tonight is not the night...
 I will be sober, tomorrow. I promised myself on hopelessness. Breath. One. Two. Three. It'll all be okay. Just get some rest. 

But I know I won't. Depression kicks into full blast, I wish I could just be normal. Normal is for people who grew up differently than I did. It's okay to not be normal. Normal doesn't make you, you. Indifference does. 
Help me to see the light, the light which doesn't escape from darkness. I pray of you. I love you! I exclaim profoundly in my silence. 

AHHHHH! I scream loudly into my pillows. "DO YOU HEAR YOU?" 
"Do you hear me?" No, I don't. Which is why I need help.
The restlessness I feel comes back, I'm ready to sleep. Go back to sleep. Bum bum bum. I whisper a melancholy tone to myself. Bum, bum, bum. It's okay. It's okay to sleep. So sleep is where I go, goodnight. 

Reviews

[Brad Dehler]

Wow. I can really sense the visceral emotion, the loneliness, vulnerability. So Raw. You pulled me in, i followed each line, by line. Not knowing where you were leading... it was intriguing. Kept coming and coming. Such sorry with the sirens and the screams. Ultimately talking into the pillow. Very good!

[red93]

'The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not comprehended it.'

I really like this Piece, its raw honesty and emotion - Excellent ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Angelove]

I appreciate the feedback. This piece was written in a vulnerable place. Thank you!