Part Ten: Meeting the Ross

 

 

I awoke to the sound of a small buzzing and the closing of doors. I shifted in my make shift bed and contemplated whether I should get up or not. After all, what would there be to get up to? Other than agony I slowly sighed at my bodies unwillingness to go back to sleep. I slowly began opening my eyes. Now, I could've just done the easy thing and laid their for hours on end, but that would have been too easy.

I moaned as I stretched my back and wiped the rest of the sleep from the edges of my tear stained eyes. It was morning out, I could tell by the small light that illuminated from the open windows of the bus. Everything was quiet and clean except for the small scratching of a pen against paper. I quickly found out what that was as I turned to see Ryan Ross sitting on the long seat across from mine.

Now, for those of you who know who Ryan Ross is, it was no big surprise that I felt that funny butterfly feeling in my stomach, but for those of you who don't let me lay it out. Ryan Ross is the pretty boy genius behind the music of Panic! At The Disco. I didnt know this until I actually looked at who wrote all those songs. I always suspected him as kind of a quiet mellow guy from interviews, but if you read his lyrics, you'll see how neurotic and crazy he really is. I've been told all writers have a secret hidden behind their words and ever since I had heard his music I had rattled my brain for his. I guessed I would never find out... Yet...

"Morning." He said not even looking up from his note book pad of paper.

"Morning." I took a deep breath and sat up.

"How was your rest?" He asked politely.

"Not very restful."

"I'm sorry about that."

I knew he wasn't. It was pure expression. I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my messy bed hair. I knew I looked horrible, but I don't think I minded anymore. Most of the guys had already seen me at my worst. What left was there to impress? Except maybe Ryan, but did I want to impress him? Maybe just a little....

"Everyone's already out at breakfast."

He sat his notebook down and swung his legs off the edge of the seat. He was wearing simple clothing today; just a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt that said "Emery" on it. His hair was just as messy as mine, if not worse, but then again... He's Ryan Ross. He's a rock star. He can have messy hair and still look cute. It's like a rule.

"Why didn't you go with them?" I asked pulling the covers over my bare legs.

"Wasn't hungry." He stood up and walked to the counter and began pouring himself a cup of coffee. I guess they got some yesterday. "Plus, I just didn't feel like hanging with the crowd today."

"I know what you mean." I sighed.

"Here." He handed me a cup of freshly made coffee. "I didn't know if you liked milk or sugar so I put in both. Its just how I make my coffee."

I took a small sip and smiled. "It's perfect." I turned to him. "It's exactly the way I make mine as well. Sweet."

"Good." He nodded and smiled.

He sat down on the seat across from mine again and took his pen and paper in his hand. He set the pad on his right knee and while he sipped coffee with one hand he balanced his pad and began writing with the other. Now that's a real writers talent! Silence hit for a few moments as I savored the taste of sweet coffee. That's when I realized I was smiling.

"Wow..."

"What?" He looked up.

"I just smiled." I touched my lips like I had just been kissed. So intimately. "I didn't think I'd smile for a long time. At least, not over something as trivial as coffee."

"Sometimes, the most trivial things can be the best." He smiled.

"There's the writer." I whispered.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just- well- you see..." I thought about it, but then I realized something. "It's nothing."

I can try to find Ryan Ross. Dig into his soul. In the deep heart of the writer, but what would I find? And if so, do I want to find anything?

"Oh." He sat down his coffee and pad. "Brenden laid out some cloths for you on his bunk. I'll go get them."

He stood up and walked out of the room leaving me with my own thoughts. I sat there for a second looking around until my eye caught the pad of paper he had been writing on. It seemed to have some lyrics written out on it. Out of my better judgment I slowly grabbed the pad and looked at the lyrics. It was hard to decipher Ryan's hand writing, but the message got across. I read each word slowly and meaningfully. It was nothing like the lyrics from Panic! At The Disco had put out. It wasnt about sins or tragedies. It was about not knowing yourself. The soulful words spoke of a secret that came untold. A secret that-

"Here they are." He walked in.

"Huh?" I jumped up.

"Reading?" He came over with some clothes in his hands. He slowly took the pad from me and replaced it with the clothing.

"Sorry." I mumbled. "It's very good though..."

"Thank you." He blushed and sat down.

"It's nothing like anything else you guys have written." I smiled and sipped my coffee. "What's it about?"

"That's what I'm still trying to figure out." He looked at the words he had written like they were done in some foreign language. "It's a secret?"

"So, what secret really lies in Ryan Ross's heart?" I turned in question. He looked back at me in a bit of a surprise fluster. "Or is there any?" When he didn't reply I set my coffee down and took the clothes. "I'll go change."

"Okay." He rang out softly.

The good girl wants that one bad boy, that one mysterious secret guy that she can expose and chop down; someone who she can know thoroughly and who will be good for her- and only her. But the reality of it is there isn't always secrets that are willing to come out without a fight and sometimes if you dig too dip you hit a few living corpses. I knew that when I went digging through Ryan Ross's heart and mind. I knew that going into battle for any guy around. I didn't expect that- that summer I'd find out more than I wanted or needed to know. I didn't expect that even one first half awake meeting would change so much in one person, but the question was who would it change? And if the secret was uncovered who would it hurt?

"Some secrets are left unrevealed, Mia."

'I know that’.

I began humming as I changed into Brenden's clothing. I knew I should've gotten some clothing leaving the house but I didnt know I was going to end up back here. He gave me the same as yesterday in a different style. I fixed the jeans with the belt so they fell off my butt stylishly and then I put on his shirt. It was a little too big for me, but my b***s filled it out so that worked. I didn't even bother doing my hair. I just put it in a pony and let my bangs hang lightly in my eyes.

I looked in the mirror and sighed. The last time I looked in that mirror I bawled my eyes out. I couldn't stand looking at myself. It was like looking at a miniature version of my mother. I knew I was mad at her. I was wrongly mad that she saved someone and got killed in the process. She never could keep herself out of any conflict, but getting herself killed? I know she did it for the better of someone else, but didn't she even think of what would happen to her own daughter?

Knock. Knock.

"Hey, you want to go meet up with the guys at breakfast?" I heard Ryan's voice through the door. "I'm hungry now."

I sighed and opened the door. "Sure."

"Kay, come on." He smiled.

"Okay." I slipped on my converse and ran after him.

Ah... Breakfast! The must important meal of the day. My day.