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Megan, first off, I love your use of imagery. Since I've only read what you've written of the first chapter so far, I understand that your plot summary involves much of what I haven't read yet, so I will only critique what I have read.

I am not one to nitpick over small grammatical errors, and as you have stated, you recognize that grammar is not your strong point. I would like to congratulate you thus far on your use of vivid imagery and the air of mystery you have established in this first chapter. These strengths far outweigh minor things that can be resolved later.

A couple things I would like to point out are: In the first paragraph, the images of Grace's dress are identical in the fact that they involve the wind whipping through it. I would scratch that second reference to the dress, keep the wind whipping in Grace's hair, and retain that compelling "tribal dance" imagery. It fits so nicely with facets of the seemingly supernatural dream-boy. It gives him a more feral, sexy mystique when combined with your description of his body heat causing Grace's pulse to quicken.

The fact that this dream is recurring makes it seem more ritualistic as well. You have a great way of pulling this reader in. I want to read more about this mysterious, supernatural relationship between the characters.

The last little point I wanted to make is that I don't like the word "omniscient" describing the rocks below in paragraph four. Maybe you meant "looming" or "ever-present." For whatever reason you chose that word, I would consider changing it.

Overall, you've done a great job piquing my interest. I was blown away by your description of the school and its architecture. I find the "shadowy" Mrs. Wexford intriguing, and I can't wait to see you develop these characters.

Great job! Keep it up!

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Posted 13 Years Ago

Dove, the idea is excellent, but if you read over your plot summary, you will realise that you have multiple errors, as Lou said. I advise that you read over it.

Posted 13 Years Ago

Just wanted to point this out - your mini-synopsis has multiple errors in it. You should probably proofread it again, before you go public with the story.

-Lou
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Posted 13 Years Ago

First of all, please give your book a name. . Although, it's a great idea, for the chapter. .

Posted 13 Years Ago