Chapter 2

I rise early this morning, anxious for the day to come. I look around and discover that I’m alone.Visiting hours haven’t started yet, I’m assuming. I quickly tire of just lying in the uncomfortable hospital bed, so I press the button that calls in a nurse to help me.

While I wait for the nurse to arrive, I try to think about everything I learned yesterday before deciding that it was too early in the morning to deal with it. I tap my fingers on the side of my hospital bed in a repetitive rhythm and zone out from reality for a moment before the nurse walks in, startling me.

“Good morning, Melody. Did you sleep well?” a short and cheerful blonde lady asks me with more enthusiasm than anyone should have before eight in the morning.

“I guess,” I respond, yawning.

“Great! I’m Leila, your nurse. Anytime you need anything, just call and I’ll be here quick as I can! Do you need anything this morning, sweetheart?”

Leila seems too young to call me “sweetheart”. She couldn’t be more than twenty-five. “Um, yeah,” I say quietly, trying to think of exactly what I need at the moment. “Can I, like, look at myself? In a mirror, I mean.”

“Of course!” Leila says warmly, no questions asked. Even so, I feel the need to explain my slightly strange request.

“Yeah. It’s just, I don’t really remember what I look like,” I tell her sheepishly.

“I know, don’t be embarrassed,” she assures me sympathetically as she rubs my shoulder. “Now,” she continues, “let’s get you up! You might feel a little bit shaky walking for the first time after such a long break.” She adjusts my bed to a sitting position and helps me ease my legs over the side.

My head spins a bit, but it’s manageable and I don’t want to complain. Leila leads me to a little bathroom and tries to teach me about all the little, colorful buttons on the wall.

“If you want help showering press here,” she would say and point to a button. “And if you fall down, press here.” She then would gesture to a different button.

I want to reply, “I have amnesia, there’s no way I’ll remember all this! If I fall down and get hurt, I plan on just pressing every button up there until someone comes.” But I refrain from this and nod politely throughout her instructions.

“I think that’s it!” she finally finishes.

I just look at her for a few seconds until she decides to suggest that she wait outside. I wait until the door shuts to locate the mirror, which turns out to be just above the sink.

At first glance, I cringe at the reflection. My head is bandaged thickly and I have scabs and yellowing bruises over my face and upper body. I try to look past that and notice the smaller things, thinking I’ll remember my past better if I discover who I am now.

The color of the wavy hair that reaches a few inches past my shoulder reminds me of milk chocolate; I’ll definitely be able to remember that- who can forget anything that has to with chocolate?

It would have made my job easier if my eyes had looked like chocolate as well, but instead, they are the color of a storm. Grey and blue and everything in between the two colors.

I have light freckles, which I can only see when I get within inches of the mirror, that cover my nose.

The rest of me is sickly thin and I feel very weak; I am sure I wasn’t always like this, but I am now and I don’t remember what I looked like before. How can I remember my past self if I no longer look like her? I begin to think that perhaps the past Melody is gone permanently and maybe I should try to create a new me and start over.

Any mistakes I made in the past are out of my thoughts; possibly forever. This may be a blessing in disguise. My amnesia is a clean slate. A chance to be a new person with new memories.

Reviews

[C. Rose]

Enjoying the plot and Melody.

Semi-colons may only be used when the previous and following sentences are both complete sentences in their own right. "Any mistakes I made in the past are out of my thoughts; possibly forever."

Showing vs. Telling "I begin to think that perhaps the past Melody ... ". Why not just say "Perhaps the past Melody ..."

Having a character look at themselves in the mirror for description purposes is one of those blatant cliches, and yet your use of it is completely justified because of the plot and you pull mixing the description in with her thoughts and feelings so it doesn't come off as a list.

When Melody gets lost in thought, consider grounding the reader here and there with an action such as patting her bandages, sitting down, or calling the nurse to take her back to bed.

IN MY OPINION: It felt weird to end with her having these deep introspective thoughts that leave behind the setting. But that's just my feeling and not based on any standard of writing.

My own personal crusade is sentence length variation. In general you balance longer sentences with short (which is great for readability), but every sentence of the first five paragraphs has at least two clauses (forgive me if I miscounted). I would suggests breaking some of these sentences into smaller more "bite sized" pieces.
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I would appreciate you reviewing my next chapter "The Unexpected Drop". Things I am worried about are: how realistic is it that Nadia (POV character) easily divulges so much information, and do you understand what the mute character is doing? (The Open Book group)

[C. Rose]

I'm stealing your "I would appreciate" language. It feels much calmer than "As per the rules".

[Craig2591]

This is a good chapter! There are lots of little mundane details that help make it real. And I like that she doesn't remember what she looks like. That was a nice touch.

I'm sending you a friend request so you can send me read requests as you post new chapters. I want to follow this story.

[Megan Simpson]

Thank you so much!! I'd really appreciate that :)