Here We Go Again

in my college english class, we had to write about an event in out life. please please tell me what you think because this is going to be turned in for a grade. i could really use some help. thanks in advance. ♥

 

        

          Most of my life, I was invisible. Not as if i had an awesome super power- I just went through life unnoticed. Although, having a super power would have been pretty cool. I was usually the girl that sits at the back of the class and nobody knew her name. My sixth grade year was no different.

            I went through a fourth of the year without knowing anyone in my social studies class except a girl named Elisa. So when Mrs. Worrell told us that we would be electing a representative for SCA, I just thought, “Here we go again.”  In elementary school I ran for many things and lost.

            “We will pick two people to be nominated. Then tomorrow, they will make their case as to why we should vote for them. Does anyone have somebody they would like to nominate?” Mrs. Worrell asked in a rather chipper voice.

            Elisa calmly raised her hand and said, “I nominate Megan.” I was in complete shock. I could barely hear everyone whisper, “Who is Megan?” over my heartbeat.

            Unfortunately, somebody nominated a girl named Carrie. She was very popular. At this point I was 110% sure that I was going to lose. The rest of the day, I couldn’t think about anything else. I was so worried about my mini speech that I hardly got any sleep.

            The next day, I nervously went to my social studies class. Mrs. Worrell informed me that Carrie would go first. It didn’t really matter to me because I knew I would lose anyway.

            Carrie’s speech was flawless. She talked about how she was a great leader, her family, and how badly she wanted to represent my class because “our happiness” was her biggest concern.

            “Great,” I thought. “How am I going to follow that?”

            I slowly stood up and said, “Hi. I’m Megan. I want to be your representative because I want to make a difference. And I promise that if you elect me, I will do everything I can to make your voice be heard.” Then it was silent. I realized that could mean one of two things. Either I did a fantastic job and left everybody in awe, or I sucked. If history repeated itself, there was a good chance it was the latter.

After everyone wrote down a name, most likely Carrie’s, Mrs. Worrell

tallied the votes. I finally knew how the contestants of Survivor felt. One by one, she read the tiny slips of evil.

            “Carrie has eight and we have yet to see Megan’s name,” she said. At that moment, Carrie smiled at me. We both knew that she had won.

            Finally, I heard my name. I heard it again. And again. At last we were tied. There was one vote left. It seemed like the world completely stopped. Mrs. Worrell sluggishly pulled open the piece of yellow scrap paper. “Megan is our new representative!” she excitedly stated.

            My heart leaped out of my chest. My legs felt as if they were separate from my body. I couldn’t believe it! I was finally a girl that people would know. At least, the people in my social studies class would know who I was. English, science, math, and gym are completely different stories.

 

Author's Note

i thought this was really good, but please please tell me what you think because this is going to be turned in for a grade. i could really use some help. thanks in advance. ♥

Reviews

[Mey]

Well written, nicely told.
However the best part is also the worst part; the set up.
You send a lot of time with such a wonderful build up that when it comes time for the conclusion there's really only one way it can go.
The build up could prolly benefit from a little more hope (so that the twist ending stays hidden) and I'd just slip a paragraph in there before your name gets pulled about how defeat was crushing you, and how you knew that this loss was gonna change you, ect.
That way when your name gets pulled it's got more oomph.

[Marlena]

Aww, what a cute, inspirational little story. Adorable, and I loved it, I hope you get a good grade! I couldn't find anything wrong with it either, so great job!

[Jen]

This was good, an interesting snippet out of life (and I can totally relate to you in elementary school.) There wasn't a whole lot to pick at. Paragraph 10 is chopped up, not sure why, could be the upload and not your paper. One thing I tripped up on:

"I went through a fourth of the year with knowing absolutely nobody in my social studies class except a girl named Elisa." - I'm a big user of adjectives and adverbs, but what I do after I write something and go through and take a lot of them out. This sentence read a bit awkward as is. Try "without knowing anyone except" and see how you like the flow.

Otherwise a good write. Feel free to ignore my oppinions (: Thanks for sharing.