intro

  Long ago in a land of peace called Yoai there were multiple kinds of civilians. The Noai (the ageless guardians of this peace, with have godly powers, and are extremely well known for their tactical abilities, the humans, the Borrui large boar like people who are nomadic, or the defenders of temples and sacred grounds from those who would destroy them when they come of age their groups are scattered around the lands of Yoai, and lroi (an evil group of undead Noai because they are banned from heaven and hell,) and not to forget the monsters who serve the lroi that live in the forest attacking the innocent travelers witch turn to smoke when killed, and doing the Iroi’s bidding to come when the call. These races have been living in the state of neutrality in two cities Neay and Triy. The humans and the Noai live in Neay, the lroi in prowl in Triy and the Borrui are nomadic and come and go as they please and sometimes stay for good. Recently however the lroi have tried to claim the lands of Yoai for themselves, and have destroyed the balance in the process.

  After the Iroi’s first attack on the citadel of Neay all of the people that survived the attack halted the enemy and prayed to the gods to bring them their savior. Three days passed and the gods sent an infant to the door of the house of the wisest and strongest of the Noai. General Kino Lee, with his brother Gino Lee, and their best friend Rio Tichitio (tik-iti-oh) pulled the people together to fight back and took back the city in one night after the battle Gino Lee decided that if there was going to be a savior he would need a guide and some “special tools” on his quest, so he got ready to disembark to searched to find them in the many temples throughout the land. Kino and Gino were both equally great men and role model to all which is why the gods chose them and not a priest to raise the savior of their world. In the middle of the night a winged figure placed a Noaian infant on the doorstep of Kino’s. Attached to the infant’s basket was a note that said.

“Kino Lee we have seen your abilities in battle and we have sent the savior to you, may he be to your needs and fulfill his charge if you yours.”

Kino looked at the child and named him Lee after his father, and showed his brother Gino who would be after this point on be Lee’s uncle. Kino raised him as his son, and that is where our story begins. In the city of Neay where they trained with Rio’s sister Nell, and the two competed for the title of top of the class and seventeen years have past all of them tranquility. The two have grown more powerful with each hour of each day. Still they are fare from ready to fight the darkness but the shadows have grown stronger also.

Reviews

[Sylvana]

I like the story idea and it is interesting. There are a few grammar and sentence structure issues. Both things are just something you grow over time from reading and writing, although it wouldn't hurt to look online to see how you can improve. For this being your first book, I have to say it is good.

[Arianna]

okay first thing i have to say is that you should put this in as a book. not a story an make your chapters, chapters. so that its not so long to read all at once.
the names are intresting and is good. however sometimes it gets a bit confusing in there. i like the concept of it but for the most part it seems like your telling the reader whats going on. this happened then this happened. its not something that you can feel really, connected or feel like your there because its kindof like someone is telling you the story. rather than involving you in it in a way. anyway its a really intrugeing concept. your dialoge is defenetly a strong point and you really dont have to work on it, just describing whats happening a bit better and i think this could be a FANTASTIC book, remember there is always something that could make it better. a writers work is never done :)